Waiting, waiting, waiting....

Have been waiting on phone calls all day. I wish people would tell me exactly when they're going to call and then call at that time instead of "after" or "around" a time. That makes me end up sitting here miffed because I could have been doing something else but they're the one who wanted to talk to me and asked me to be available. Really not in the mood for this right now....

Can we say "discrimination?" I thought we could!

*Insert loud screaming in frustration noise here*

Well, I just heard from my Equal Rights counselor regarding my long "quest" to find out why I wasn't reappointed to my job and to try to get it back. I still have another phone call coming from her when she receives the message of whether or not the person she is dealing with has the right to reappoint me or not. At the moment, however, I couldn't give crap one if they try to reappoint me to my old position. There's no way I could possibly stand to work for these people after what I was just told they said about me and my disability!

So, quick rundown before I have to go grab another Xanax. The main Equal Rights Officer I worked with last year to get my reasonable accommodations to have Celeste come to work with me stated that I had proven that I had a disability and with all the letters from therapists, doctors, co-workers, and the trainer of my service dog that I had proven the need and should be allowed to bring her with me. My assistant Cadre Manager signed-off on all of the paperwork and sent me a memo stating how in the future I was to notify her when I was deploying with Celeste and the rules/regulations that I would have to follow for having her in our field offices. Basic stuff, all approved, all signed, and copies (both physical and electronic) are saved for my records.

Then, the counselor contacted my Cadre Manager and his assistant to speak with them on why I wasn't reappointed to my job. He stated that he'd heard my name but didn't know who I was. He also stated that he knew that there were issues last year with me bringing Celeste and problems at the office (which there weren't any from her, just from others who wanted to pet and play with her) and that she was not a "service animal" but was a "comfort dog." Really?? Since when did he become so educated on what constitutes the difference between a SD (service dog) and an ESA (emotional support animal)?? And this is a man I've only ever spoken to once since I started working for him in 2009 because he never returned my emails or phone calls and I always had to go through his assistant.

And speaking of his assistant, she was very quiet throughout the interview. I have her signature approving my request for reasonable accommodation but she told the counselor that all of that was handled at headquarters by the ERO officers.

I was right!! They were discriminating against me when they didn't reappoint me. The Cadre Manager stated that my "comfort dog" would cause a problem and I couldn't be deployed or retained because of it. Also, he said that he had to drastically reduce the number of people he had employed but he only released two people in my section. I guess all of the people who I trained last year will be able to go on to have full employment and success now.

I'm not expecting to get my job back because he said he'd be happy to write a letter of recommendation for me (which was the easy-out option given if they weren't going to keep me) and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want me back anyway now that I know what I know. But, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I'm shocked. I'm flabbergasted. I can't believe that someone would be so bold to basically state outright that my disability is the reason they didn't keep me -- especially since this is a FEDERAL position and there are FEDERAL laws to protect the disabled.

You can be sure I'll keep things updated as more info comes in. However, for anyone who thought I was just uselessly chasing a dream, I'm not upset and I'm not going to dance around with my tongue sticking out and my fingers in my ears saying "I'm right and you were wrong!" I've always had a tenacity to grab hold of something and see it all the way through to the end, regardless if I'm right or I'm wrong. I'm glad that I have that now because I have proof that I was right this time. And anyone who feels that they've been wronged should be brave enough to stand-up for what they believe in and fight for what is right. I hope I've been a good example.

Now I need to try to relax before I pop a vein in my head. That would kind of make going on to a formal complaint process difficult.

Accepting suggestions on "training" a teenager!

Again! I can't believe I have to go through this crap again! The kid is 13 years freakin' old -- how much longer will it last???

I had to go to an appointment today. Usually I can trust Youngest Son to be on his best behavior (or something like it) while I'm out for a little while. I come back and what do I find? I find one of the premiere rules of the house broken and him lying to me about it.

We have a very strict rule about the computer. Because of the questionable content out there and the threat of viruses, worms, and Trojans, we do not allow our children to access the computer unless we're with them or we give them a five-minute window to check email or Facebook. We did it that way with Eldest Son and we're doing it that way with Youngest Son. Even though he has a computer in his room, there is no Internet access to it (not even Wi-Fi) and he's not allowed to turn it on without our permission. I have a special key that allows Internet to be connected if he needs to work on a homework assignment but either Husband or me is in the room with him while he's online. Usually, though, he wants to use our main household computer (from which I also run my online business) because it's newer, faster, and has more programs. Again, though, he must be supervised while using it.

I was gone for an hour and came back to find that not only had he been on the computer when I was gone and without permission, he'd also accessed the Internet and even looked into the history folder for our web browser. That threw up red flags all over the place because he could have been to a site we don't allow and deleted the information. So, I asked him what happened while I was gone.

Nothing. He gave me the standard teenager shrug of the shoulders and a monotone "I don't know" as an answer. I started listing the items he has privileges to use and/or owns and which ones he would be losing as he continued to feign an inability to recall anything he may or may not have done over the hour that I was away from home. Finally he said he looked at the history to see if we had bought him a birthday present online.

He must think I have "stupid" written on my face because I don't believe that for a moment. And I told him that as well. His birthday is over a month away and I certainly wouldn't purchase anything this far in advance, mostly because I never know when he's going to pull a stunt like this and end up grounded again.

A couple of years ago he took something of mine and lied about it. I could prove that he did it and even showed him the evidence. He continued to lie and for over half and hour he lied and lied until he realized that he was just digging himself a deeper hole of punishments. And every time he continued to lie or did something else against the rules, we just added the time for that infraction onto what he'd already earned. The kid was grounded for about six months! You'd think he'd have figured it out by now that we, his parents, are much smarter than he is and will find out when he does something wrong (especially since he's not good at covering his tracks) and that just admitting to what he did and apologizing would get him in far less trouble than lying about it.

I don't know what to do. Seriously. This keeps happening over and over and over and I'm sick to death of it. Right now his "privileges" are to eat, sleep, use the bathroom, do his household and yard chores, and practice his trumpet. He can read while he's in his room (he's got LOTS of books on many subjects). But there will be no television, video games, computer, MP3, cell phone, telephone, texting, or going out unless it's to walk the dog or we're all going somewhere together.

This is my first summer home in years. Usually I'm deployed away to work a disaster and I've missed being able to just spend free time with him. No schedules; no worries about work or him having to go to school. He's only been out of school three days and he can't keep it together! I really worry about him in the future.

I can see why the USPS is in the crapper....

Everyone's complaining that the United States Postal Service (USPS) is going to be closing post offices and processing centers and probably raising the prices on stamps a zillion more times before the end of the year. There's a very, very good reason why, but first let me start with my story of the day.

I like to sell items from my website. I also like to sell items on eBay. Many times I have items that need to be shipped overseas. So, I use the USPS to ship overseas because it is cheaper than UPS, FedEx, or any of the other commercial carriers. Today I had a World War II Brazilian officer's belt buckle that had been sold, ironically enough, to a gentleman in Brazil. I had listed that the weight of the item was about 1 pound because it's small, brass, and isn't hard to put into a padded envelope or a small box. Today when I attempted to ship it, I weighed the buckle and it was actually 2.9 pounds. That's fine -- not a lot of difference since I'm going to be sending it Priority Flat-Rate International where items up to 4 pounds can be shipped for one fee. However, what they failed to tell me was that I also needed to weigh the box with it. If it's a flat-rate box and it says I can ship up to 4 pounds, why are they also charging for the "free" box? What's the point of me using their "flat-rate" service if I'll end up paying the same amount as if I used my own box?

It's things like this that explain why the USPS is really in the crapper. Back when UPS, FedEx, DHL, and the countless other commercial shipping companies that have come-and-gone started vying for our business, they promised overnight or next-day or 3-day shipping and that's exactly what you got. The USPS' attitude was that "it will get there when it gets there" because it's run by the government with overpaid government employees. I'm not talking about your standard letter carriers who are actually out in the heat, ice, rain, and snow actually delivering your mail -- especially those like my letter carrier who still has to do it on-foot and not in the cute little air-conditioned truck. When the Postmaster General of the United States makes a 6-figure salary and never actually handles a piece of mail, something's wrong. And it's the lackadaisical attitude of the "perpetual government employment" and specialized benefits that have the higher-ups not really caring if people complain about the service they receive. It used to be a one-horse show back in the old days. Them days, partner, are over.

With all of the shipping choices people have now it's no wonder that the commercial shippers are driving the USPS out of business. They're in it for the profit and if the customer isn't happy, they'll tell their friends who will tell their friends and pretty soon your company has no one using it. I've seen quite a few come-and-go over the years. The ones with staying power offer the services you want at a reasonable price and guarantee that you'll get it. The USPS always has a "window of opportunity" of when something might arrive. Rarely do I ever see a confirmed date with the Post Office.

The USPS constantly is trying to remind everyone that they're self-funded and not assisted by the Federal Government and that only your use of the Post Office can keep it going. Guess what? That's the same thing you'll hear from a privately owned business! Gee whiz, who'd have thought that if you gave good service, didn't overspend on benefits and retirement (something that occasionally is done in commercial companies as well), and tried to stick to your budget that you could be successful? But, the Federal Government doesn't require that the USPS make a profit; it just has to break-even. And then they're also supported by taxpayers through the "Postal Service Fund" but they don't like to talk about it because they usually come up with a profit at the end of the day when it's all is said and done.

And they wonder why people prefer email and commercial shipping?

When did eBay think it could be my parent??

Well, maybe the title is a bit unfair. I have been away from selling on eBay for a while because (1) I've either been deployed away working for my former job and making a decent salary or (2) the items I've found that would have gone for sale on eBay either sold quickly on my website or at a gun/militaria show. And Husband has been fabulous at keeping items listed on eBay when I'm not available and there's something that we know we can make a decent amount of money on if we can just find the right audience. Like, say, the entire eBay-ing world!

But today was just annoying! I've got a few items and some books that I want to list and figured that since I still have all of my templates saved it would be a breeze! When did eBay decide they can tell me what I can and can't say and how I can and can't say it?

For example, I have strict shipping requirements. The reason for that is because I've sold many items to people overseas and they've received their items within the usual shipping period and have let me know that they've arrived safely. I've also had many items shipped to people here in the United States -- some in states bordering my own -- and been told that either the item was never received or that it was extremely damaged and they wanted their money back. When I'd ask for photographic proof of the damages to the item and shipping container, they would have an excuse for not being able to provide it. And they always picked the cheapest route with no insurance or tracking capabilities so there was never any way to determine if the item had or hadn't arrived. So, I changed all of my shipping to a commercial shipping organization in brown uniforms because they offered free insurance (up to $100) for the value of the item and I as well as the buyer could track the shipment all the way to their door. My attitude became, "If you don't like it, you don't have to buy from me. I'm protecting myself and my company from idiots who just want something for free."

So, I would list in my eBay auctions to "Be sure to read all shipping policy information and if you're not willing to pay the extra expense, do not bid on my items!" Straight and to the point. No wishy-washy customer-servicey happy namby-pamby phrasing. I prefer to tell it like it is. Make it clear and plain so that it translates into any language easily (even stupid) and, no, the customer is not always right.

You would have thought that I'd tried to incite a war with the way eBay reacted! I had my template completed for the first item I wanted to list and big, bold "warning" boxes popped up on my screen telling me that I needed to review my return policy before they'd let me list the item. I'd said in my description that the buyer would need to read my policy information and even provided a link for it. That wasn't good enough. I'd have to fill out a form to make it simple. So I clicked back to fill in the form and they didn't offer anything like what I offer. In my business, photographs and printed materials are not allowed to be returned because it doesn't take a genius to know that some unscrupulous person will just scan it and make all of the copies they want and claim they're originals and sell them. The eBay form had nowhere I could specify that. So, I stated it in the little box they give you for additional information.

Then another pop-up box appeared. It didn't like the fact that I said I wouldn't accept money orders as payment. It also informed me that money orders were no longer allowed as payment through eBay except in certain categories (mostly eBay Motors). It wouldn't let me post my item because I said I wouldn't accept something that it won't allow me to accept in the first place. Ahhh....someone in programming figured out how to make the system recognize words but not the context of them. If I don't have the option to accept money orders checked in the payment box, what difference does it make if I say I won't accept them in the description? But, it wouldn't allow me to list my item until I went back and removed the offending sentence.

Finally, just when I thought I'd get my item listed, the shipping payment information I included caused the largest box to pop-up on the screen. It basically said that the way I phrased my listing by stating that if someone didn't want to pay for something that they shouldn't bid was wrong and I could drive away customers.

Um....that's kind of the point!! If they're not willing to pay extra for the shipping services to ensure that it arrives at their residence/office/deserted island, then I don't want to fool with someone trying to argue with me that they "really want to complete the auction and pay the money due but the shipping is just too expensive and [they] had no idea whatsoever that [I] would charge such an extravagant amount and how dare [I] not know that [they] are always good for their word and that [I] am insulting [them] by not just slapping a stamp on the item or, in [their] opinion, sending it for free." I've gotten so frustrated and people trying to argue about shipping at times I've told them I'll just stick their item in an envelope, put a stamp on it, and wish them the best of luck 'cause what they want to pay isn't going to get their item to them.

The pop-up box continued to chastise me on being "unprofessional" and how it could hurt me from becoming one of their Top Sellers. I don't list enough stuff to be a "Top Seller" and if I was operating a storefront instead of an online business (which I've done), my attitude would be exactly the same. It's not being "unprofessional" -- it's being honest. And, as I said earlier, the customer is not always right.

After over an hour of changing and adding and subtracting things from the listing, it finally let me post my item. All that work for something that's got a starting bid of $5. AND, I got a notice that they're changing the rules/regulations on listing items again May 1st (tomorrow).

I'll wait until the 2nd to list more items, if it will let me. Hopefully they will have made their minds up on what those of us who list our items for sale (and are the ones who've made them successful) will be allowed to do. It's sad when a company gets too big for its britches. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Going a little farther on my quest....

After I published my post "Let's see what this gets me...." I received mixed reviews regarding what I had done. Some people said that I was a crusader for those who'd been wronged. Others said I was wasting my time and burning bridges. I don't think of myself as a crusader. I'm trying to get my own answers but if I do find out something that can help others, I'm more than willing to share the information. I'm not overly concerned with burning bridges since I'd worked long hours in hard conditions to make my bridges sturdy and I feel it's my now former employer who came behind me, knocked them town, built them back with gas-soaked logs and then left an open flame nearby.

So, I waited over the weekend for a response from the gentleman I'd emailed in the previously mentioned post. I received nothing. I waited during the day yesterday as I listened to the horrendous noise coming from Stupid Neighbors' driveway (see yesterday's post for more information) and still received nothing. I finally found the name of the person in charge of the entire Equal Rights Office at headquarters and sent her a letter along with a copy of the letter I'd sent to the other ERO officer to see if I could receive any clarification regarding the information I'd received to date as well as to share additional information that I'd been receiving. Within two hours, I received an email from the original ERO officer I'd attempted to contact. Here is what I received (edited for privacy):

I want to assure you that [Federal Agency Acronym Here] provides reasonable accommodations to people with disabilities. I have seen no indication that you received this notification because of your request to have a service animal in the workplace.

My best guidance would be to talk to your Cadre manager about the notification.

Should you wish to request EEO (Equal Employment Opportunity) Counseling, you may contact [Name] here in the Office of Equal Rights for the assignment of an EEO Counselor. [Name] can be reached at [telephone number and email address].

For your information, I am providing you with the EEO Flier, “Your Right to Equal Opportunity.” The Flier explains the EEO Complaint process, and your rights and the time limits for exercising those rights. If you intend to request EEO Counseling, please contact [Name] as soon as possible.

It wasn't quite what I was looking for but it also wasn't the same stock answer I'd received in the past. Now that I was beginning to receive messages from others who had been non-reappointed that also have disabilities and messages from others who knew persons who had been non-reappointed without a clue as to why their years of service would suddenly be stopped, I figured why not try to see this out to the end.

So, I contacted the person that was mentioned in the email I'd received. Here is what I sent (edited for privacy):

I have been referred to you by [Name] due to my suspicion that I and other DAEs who are not being reappointed at this time might be because we have disabilities on-file with our Cadres, Regions, and Headquarters.

I've attached the original email that I sent to [Name] and his reply referring me to you at the bottom of this letter. At the time I originally wrote [Name], I felt that I was the only one who had received a non-reappointment letter and wondered if it was because I now utilize a service dog to assist me to do my work and be able to deploy. I have been contacted by another DAE who also has a disability who was not reappointed to their position as well. This person does not utilize a service animal or adaptive equipment, but we both found it quite odd that after filing our requests for reasonable accommodation, the next reappointment period ending resulted in both of us not retaining our positions after approximately 8 years of service. I have been contacted through social media by others who have suspected or believe the same thing, but they have not confirmed with me any information and I therefore cannot speak for them. I am only addressing this for myself at this time.

[Name] stated in his reply that I should speak with my Cadre manger. He must not have read the paragraphs where I did attempt to contact both [Names and Titles], and was only responded to by [Name] with a "stock answer" paragraph, included in the letter below. When I asked additional questions, I was only given the same paragraph as a response -- implying that I would receive no other information than what had just been given to me.

I understand the "at-will" hiring and retainment process and I understand through 8600.1 that [Federal Agency Acronym Here] does not have to provide a reason for dismissal to DAEs. But with the questions I have raised and the fact that I am in two protected classes (over-40, disabled), I would believe that it would be in the best interest of [Federal Agency Acronym Here] to provide a reason why I would not be reappointed. That's what I was originally looking for because if I attempt to apply for another job and they ask "Why were you released from your previous position?" and I have no answer to give, that usually makes them suspect that I had done something wrong. When every performance evaluation I received was excellent and gave nothing but praise, I find it hard to believe that I did something wrong that wouldn't have been previously addressed with me before deciding to end my employment.

Any information or insight you could provide would be greatly appreciated. I really did not believe after working for so long in the Region and with two different Cadres that always gave me high praise and requested me by name for specific assignments that I would be having to come to ERO for guidance regarding my suspicions of discrimination.

Thank you for your time and attention. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

I have not yet heard anything today, but I have received more messages of support and disgust at my attempts for a simple answer. Even though I'd resubmitted my resumé prior to going on my "quest" (as some have put it), it's never been about getting my job back. If they offered it back to me, I'd have to really consider the terms and conditions before I'd take it. If they didn't offer it to me, I'd have lost nothing else but the time spent looking for answers. If they offered me another position in another Cadre, again I'd really have to consider the terms and conditions before I could consider accepting it.

I'm just trying to save my good name and reputation. After many years working with the same organization, it's unusual when someone is suddenly not retained in that position without good cause. I just want to make sure that there is a good cause and not an attempt to circumvent the law by stating that "a more nimble organization" is desired and those of us who aren't as "nimble" (whatever that means) are now considered worthless. They could have said that "cutbacks were needed, your job performance was excellent and letters of referral would be available upon request." Or they could have been honest and said the negative reasons why someone wasn't being kept so that they could make adjustments in any future employment endeavors. That kind of thing happens in many organizations where these economic times have required valuable employees to be released. Instead, those of us who were not reappointed were basically told that we didn't matter anymore. We weren't "good enough" to be picked to play on the playground with the rest and we weren't "worthy" of a reason why.

I don't know where this next round will lead or if anything will come about because of it. But the small part of me that has spent many years advocating for others has reawakened and has decided that I'm worth advocating for as well. Will this all work? Or will it all just blow-up in my face? I don't know, and I don't care. My self-worth is worth fighting for and I'm tired of people expecting me to just slink away quietly. Now it's my turn to be heard.

Let's see what this gets me....

I've been trying to be patient about finding out why I wasn't reappointed to my position with a federal government agency. And, yes, I know that "at-will" employees can be hired or fired or can quit at any time for any reason (or no reason at all). But the more I see other friends receiving their reappointment letters -- and a well-deserved "Congratulations!" to them -- it's getting depressing being the only person I know so far who has not had their job renewed. And it makes me continue to wonder why since no one has ever complained about my work. Well, at least not to my face or through channels where something could be done about it.

So, today I took a risk. I'm tired of sitting and waiting for something to happen. I'm tired of always trying to "play it safe" and "keep my cards close to my chest" in matters like this. This might help me at least get an honest answer or it might totally blow-up in my face and ruin any attempt I could ever have at getting another position like the one I had. But I had to do something.

I contacted the Equal Rights Officer with whom I worked last year when I was obtaining Celeste and having issues getting reasonable accommodations for my service dog. I even tried to explain to "the powers-that-be" that having her would help me become more deployable and help me with my work since she would help mitigate any problems my disabilities would present. I never thought trying to get something I'm legally entitled to could be so hard! All of the letter writing and arguing over whether or not someone with no medical experience believed that my prescribed service dog would be helpful to me and appropriate for an office setting. It's not like she's going to do anything other than lay under my desk all day (except when I take her outside for walks).

Here's some of what I sent to him today (edited for privacy):

I've recently received a letter of non-reappointment regarding my [employment title] status. This is confusing to me because I've never in the almost-8 years I've worked for [Federal Agency Acronym Here] received a negative performance review and I am often requested for specific disasters. I have not been available the first part of this year as I have been undergoing ophthalmologic testing due to my inability to have my vision corrected above 20/50 with glasses. I am currently awaiting an appointment with the Low-Vision Center at [name of prestigious university here] so that they can help me find adaptive equipment and techniques so that I can continue to work. After the appointment, I'd planned to make myself available again.

Through friendships on social media sites, I've seen people posting that they've received their letters and so far I am the only one who's posted a non-reappointment notice. I have emailed my (now former) Cadre Manager, [Name], and his assistant, [Name], for additional information and have been given the following response:

[Insert copy of standardized response paragraph previously inserted into other related blog posts regarding "reason for non-reappointment"]

I even emailed [Name] asking if the reason for my non-reappointment was something negative because it would be fruitless for me to apply to another Cadre if there is something negative preventing my reappointment. Again, I was sent an email with only that paragraph in it. I've also seen the new FAQs for the NDRP transition and no new DAEs are being recruited or appointed, which makes the "free to apply for an appointment within another Cadre" statement moot. Additionally, the NDRP program is not currently accepting applications either as they attempt to transfer reappointed DAEs to the new system. However, I have sent my résumé to the IWMO liaison for [formerly employed location] who has stated she will share it with all other regions and HQ in the hopes that perhaps there might be an available slot somewhere.

I don't want to believe that it's because I now have a service dog that I've not been reappointed, but with phrases such as "a more nimble organization" in the paragraph sent to me it raised my suspicions even more.

If there is any information or advice you could provide, I would greatly appreciate it. This has all come as quite a shock to me and many of my (now former) co-workers. I do understand that as a [employment title] I am a temporary, intermittent, "at-will" employee -- but to receive no feedback regarding the reason why I would not be reappointed and to see terminology as mentioned above only makes me feel that [Federal Agency Acronym Here] is not willing to accommodate employees with disabilities. I hope I'm wrong, but that's the message I'm receiving.

Maybe I've shot myself in the foot with this. Maybe I'll just be marked as a "troublemaker" because I won't take "no comment" for an answer. Maybe I'll be a model for other disabled persons who have been indirectly discriminated against. Who knows what will happen.

All I know right now is that I feel better just for having sent the letter. And I've received advice/comments from family/friends on other steps I might be able to take if I still can't get an answer after this. Whether or not I get my job "back" is irrelevant. What's important here is knowing the truth. When you're the only person you know who's not been rehired but you're also the only person you know with a disability, it's hard not to jump to conclusions -- which is why I want the honest answer.

I don't wanna post today!

With everything that's been going on recently, the last thing I want to do right now is sit in front of the computer and try to be witty. I went to my therapy session today and feel like nothing much came out of that. My therapist is stunned that I wasn't reappointed for my job and has the same outlook I have on me finding another job anywhere around here -- grim.

It's easy to look at the job services online listings and other search engines for positions and find things I'm qualified for or would be willing to learn. It's harder to go into the job location to fill-out an application, drop off a resumé or complete an interview with an 85-pound service dog with you that they weren't expecting. You can see it in their eyes. They're trying to figure out why you're there with your "pet" or how you could possibly be able to do any work if you're "that" disabled that you need a service animal, especially when you're not in a wheelchair or showing any visible signs of a disability. And the usual answers of "You're qualified, but not qualified enough," or "You're overqualified for this position" roll off their lips as if they've had their mind made-up all along (which, they probably have).

Today has just been a sucky day and I'm not in the mood to deal with much else. I had an idea for a business I could open that would help me as well as many others in our community, and then found that someone else is already starting one. And even though I know mine would be WAY better and most likely more successful, without the money to start it up, it's just not going to happen.

And now the "voices" are even arguing over which is more negative or depressive because that's what they do when I'm in a funk. It's gonna be a long night.

Non-reappointment not making sense

So, some of you will remember the other day when I posted that my job had ended because I wasn't chosen to have my position reappointed for another two years. In the letter I received, this was the explanation given:

March 24th, 2012 marks the end of the current appointment period. Per the Stafford Act and the Conditions of Employment, you have not been reappointed. However, you are free to apply for an appointment within another Cadre.

I wrote to my (now former) supervisors to request an explanation on why I wouldn't be reappointed, especially since I have almost 8 years with the organization and have never received a negative mark on any performance evaluations. That was on Saturday (March 24th) and I didn't hear anything back until today. Here's what I got:

March 24^th 2012 marked the end of the current appointment period for all DAE’s. We were asked to evaluate our current work force needs based on (insert Governmental Agency Acronym here)'s mission. This required making some difficult decisions. Clearly we had people who had contributed to our mission for a long time and were good employees. However, our current and projected staffing needs meant we needed a more nimble organization, which required making some very hard choices. At this time, it was determined per the Stafford Act and your Conditions of Employment, to allow your appointment to expire. You are free to apply for an appointment within another Cadre.

I asked for the definition of a "more nimble organization" but only received the same paragraph in response.

"More nimble organization" -- what the heck does that mean? It's not like we're in the military having to carry packs of equipment on our backs. Heck, some co-workers I've seen have barely lifted a ream of paper to refill a copy machine. And if they're talking about age, I'm only 41 and most of my dearest friends who work with this organization (for now at least) are much older than I am.

I also asked if I'm qualified to apply for an appointment within another Cadre and received no answer. I then found the following information posted regarding the way all of the new changes are coming about:

Q: How will someone become part of the National Disaster Reservist Program? A: More information on opportunities and the process for obtaining appointments to the NDRP will be forthcoming in the next 60 days.

Q: I understand that there is a hiring freeze of DAEs now, is this true? A: Yes and no. Any person who is not currently employed by (insert Governmental Organization Acronym here), current local hires, and those who are seeking employment as a new DAE are being asked to wait until the NDRP is fully functional. Any Permanent Full-Time, Temporary Full-Time, or CORE employee who is transitioning to become a DAE will have their transition processed so that they do not have a break in service which would impact items such as their health care benefits.

As I read this -- and someone please correct me if I've got it all wrong -- there's a new program that will be called the NDRP. You can't apply for it right now but they might have information on how to obtain an appointment in it within approximately 60 days (this is the government, you know). And if you were a DAE but you're not one now because you weren't reappointed, you can't apply for a new position in a new Cadre because there's a hiring freeze.

This doesn't make sense! If you can't reapply for your job or for a new one in a new Cadre, then why tell us we can?

Now, there is a clause in our Conditions of Employment that says they can release us at any time for any reason because we're temporary intermittent workers. But I smell something fishy here. They talk about the type of "ideal" workforce they need, not simply that they have to reduce the number of employees. And for a number of people, myself included, who might have unavoidable "difficulties" in meeting the "ideal" (I'll let y'all work that definition out for yourselves), this doesn't sound right.

Well, that's all I'm going to say about it for now. I'm waiting on a call from the low-vision center so I can be evaluated for adaptive technologies to help me continue to be able to work, in this job or any other one I might be able to obtain. I've advised them that the rush to get me in isn't as much of a priority at the moment since I'm not in a position to be employed soon but they're still trying to help me speed-up the process. We'll see what happens.

I want another fence

What is it with stupid neighbors who don't understand property lines? The same ones we've been having issues with still haven't removed the concrete they poured almost two years ago that's on our side of the line. They also still haven't moved their bratty kid's tree (which isn't growing very well -- not my fault, I've not touched it).

Yesterday, the gentleman who mows our yard came and made sure that everything looks good for the beginning of spring. We even found some morel mushrooms growing in part of our yard. They're now surrounded by decorative wire fencing so that the stupid neighbors realize that (1) they're ours and (2) to leave them the heck alone. I plan on using them in something nice after they get a little bigger and I don't want their kids coming over and killing them. Our lawn mower even made sure to trim gently around them so they wouldn't be damaged and finished the yard by also making sure to trim around the line of marking string we stretched between the two pins denoting the property line between our house and our stupid neighbors.

Today, the stupid neighbors decided to mow their yard and promptly cut the string. Instead of attempting to repair it or letting us know (it is our string, after all), they threw it away. And, instead of digging-up and moving the little tree, they tried to make it better. Husband finally went out and spoke with Mr. Stupid Neighbor and informed him that we had agreed that when spring arrived, everything would be moved/removed/etc. so that we can expand our driveway to our property line as planned. Mr. Stupid Neighbor thought for some strange reason that we were going to sell him the strip of land his concrete is over the line and where the kid's tree is. He wants us to sell it to him because his property line on the other side of his house is actually inside the house on the other side of his. He never bothered to have a survey done and never knew that he bought a crappy plot of land.

Husband explained that we were not going to sell the strip of land and Mr. Stupid Neighbor said everything would be gone within the week. We'll see. But after their conversation, the bratty kids came out and were playing baseball, using our new fence as a backstop. And they nearly tripped over the metal "fencing" I placed around my mushrooms.

Maybe I can save enough money to have another fence built on our side of the line from where our privacy fence ends all the way to the pin at the front of the house (it marks the easement of the curb owned by the City). It wouldn't be a big fence. Just something nice and decorative. Something that wouldn't block anyone's view if they're pulling out of the driveway. Something that would give the stupid neighbors the idea that we take our land/house ownership seriously and don't want their kids or friends or vehicles or dogs in our yard unless we invite them.

And I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Youngest Son: Unplugged

Teenagers. They think they know it all. They think that they're the first person to ever think of or do something in the history of everything. They believe they're invincible, physically and emotionally, and that they can do what they want, when they want, how they want, and that parents will never know the difference.

Where have I heard this before? Oh....that's right! I posted about how Youngest Son tried to abuse his Facebook privileges and posted items that were not appropriate. And that post was only two days ago! And guess what? He tries to pull another stunt like I won't punish him twice in a week.

Today I allowed him to look at his Facebook page while I monitored everything he viewed. I only allowed him 15 minutes of time online because he's still on my naughty list for the previous infraction. Today, however, he did use common sense and didn't repost items from his friends and even avoided watching videos some had posted because he knows that the house rules say he's not allowed to open documents or watch videos without prior permission (because of the possibility of viruses, etc.).

This evening, he went into where the family computer is and asked Husband if he could look at his Facebook page. Husband was in the process of signing-in to a website and told him that he (Youngest Son) could not look at his Facebook page at that time because he (Husband) was using the computer. Youngest Son stomped into the living room where I was watching television. I had not heard anything from the other room and asked why he was so upset. He told me that Husband had stated that he (Husband) would never supervise him while he looks at his Facebook page and was upset about it.

I went into the other room and asked Husband why he wouldn't share the responsibility of supervising Youngest Son on the computer. Husband said that he didn't say that and called Youngest Son into the room. Finally, I got to the truth -- that Youngest Son had lied to me in order to try to get me to make Husband let him (Youngest Son) use the computer.

Wrong move.

My kids have known all their lives that one of the worst things to do is to try to play Husband and myself against each other. Asking for permission from one and getting rejected and running to the other to ask the same question hoping for a different answer is not allowed. And getting caught doing it, well, that's just going to make any punishment worse.

So, tonight I decided that Youngest Son needs a good example of just how much he won't die without Facebook. Or the Internet as a whole. Or his cell phone. Or any other electronic devices.

That's right. I've unplugged a 13-year-old, much to his disappointment, and he can now learn for the rest of this week and all of next week (into the weekend as well) what it was like when his father and I didn't have video games or text messaging or television (except when the news was on when our parents watched it). Nothing electronic will be allowed. Not even small toys that run on button batteries. He can read, draw, walk the dog -- lots of activities that generations of us did before every child seemed born with a Nintendo DS in their hands.

He'll only be allowed to have his cell phone when we leave home (in case of emergencies) and when he's at school (for emergencies only as well). No portable game systems. No console game systems. No MP3 players. He can use his calculator for math class but he won't because he doesn't need it. And he can listen to the radio when he's going to bed because he's got the same problem I have -- if it's too quiet when trying to go to sleep, sleep never comes.

And Husband and I won't be punishing ourselves through this. We can use all of the electronics we want. We can watch the only television in the house when we want (he'll just have to go to his room). And we can play all the video games we want, even though we won't. I've always hated it when trying to punish a child and ending up being on the receiving end of the same punishment (no television, etc.). Now he'll have to deal with hearing us going on with our lives while he contemplates the error of his ways.

Hopefully he will learn from this, even though it does give me an easy topic to blog about when nothing else happens during the day.

Youngest Son in deep doo-doo tonight!

Teenagers. They think they know it all. They think that they're the first person to ever think of or do something in the history of everything. They believe they're invincible, physically and emotionally, and that they can do what they want, when they want, how they want, and that parents will never know the difference.

They're wrong, of course. Dead wrong. Really wrong. Absolutely wrong. Hysterically wrong, even.

And just as I was about to post on my blog that nothing of any interest happened today other than hours and hours of rain, thunder, and lightning, I saw it. I went to my Facebook account to see what my family/friends have been up to over the past few hours and enjoy some pleasant entertainment. Little did I know that I would be seeing things -- suggestive photos, offensive phrases, etc. -- in my news feed. Not from my adult friends, but from Youngest Son.

I loudly yelled for him to come into where the family computer is and asked him what in his little head thought that posting or liking these items was appropriate. He denied clicking on one but said that the second photo was funny. He'd only looked at the top of the photo and didn't see the graphic imagery in the bottom. He also had "liked" a page about a cartoon character that I reviewed and found every-other post had something offensive, or at least inappropriate for a teenager, in them. And this wasn't for a cartoon character designed for adults (i.e. Family Guy, The Simpsons, anything from "Adult Swim," etc.). This was for a kids' cartoon show -- so obviously this was not an authorized page.

He'd finally earned between 5 and 10 minutes of Internet time to check his emails and Facebook page without us having to stand directly over him. Guess what's happened to that?

I made sure to post on his page using his account (since I don't allow my children to have Internet accounts for which I don't have password access) so that all of his "friends" would see the new rules. Any future inappropriate posts by him will be deleted and any inappropriate posts to his page by his "friends" will be deleted and reported to Facebook. And the "friendship" just might be terminated as well.

I respect his privacy as a person by allowing him to do those things which need to be done in private behind closed doors (bathing, dressing, etc.). But, as his parent, I assert my ability to check on anything he has or brings into the house to ensure that it is deemed appropriate for a teenager and not something that we do not allow. That includes anything "brought into" the house via the Internet. My house; my rules. And his older brother can attest to the fact that those rules are absolute -- he got caught a few times with inappropriate items and faced consequences for it. As long as someone is residing in my house without paying rent, their share of the utilities, and insurance, I get to see everything. And with Husband having previously worked at one of our state's penitentiaries, he's very good at quickly turning-out a room to make sure nothing is hidden.

Eldest Son has tried many times to warn Youngest Son about how things are going to be as he grows up. With the 10-year difference in their ages, Eldest Son knows what Youngest Son will be facing in school with friends and enemies alike. He's tried and tried to warn Youngest Son that "Mom isn't stupid! She will find out! And your dad will too and if he finds out first he won't hide it from Mom!"

Poor, poor Youngest Son. He thinks he's so mature. He has no idea just how much more maturing he's still got to do. And he'll be doing it without the company of a lot of friends if he doesn't straighten his act up now.

Same info, different day - The continuing rant

Well, now that my eyes are working again I can get back to the rant I so wanted to start yesterday but had problems seeing my own fingers, much less the keyboard or the monitor.

Let's catch everyone up in the ongoing saga. A few posts back I related the story of what's been happening recently regarding my vision and the lack thereof. I've seen my optometrist; been referred to a glaucoma specialist; been referred to a retinal specialist; have had multiple versions of two different tests taken at each appointment; and was finally being referred to a neuro-ophthalmologist at a large, prestigious college/hospital across the state from me in order to determine what in the heck is happening. Yesterday, Husband and I drove three hours so I could have the scans and exams needed to identify the problem. I'd been advised that it would take a minimum of three hours for everything and readied myself for being shoved into large machines to determine what, if anything, is in there with my eyes and my brain that could be causing the problem.

After arriving at the doctor's office, I was quickly ushered back to a room where a technician asked me a lot of questions about my past medical history and asked me to read letters on the eye chart with my glasses on because my new prescription isn't correcting me to 20/20 (which is what got this whole thing started). She then had me stare at a notepad with a grid on it and asked me to describe what the lines looked like. With one eye I could only see half of the grid and with the other it looked like the lines were wavy and my brain was trying to make sense of it and I started seeing boxes "popping-up" from the page. She looked at me and scribbled notes on her paper. She gave me a color-vision test, which I'm pretty sure I passed easily other than perhaps mistaking a "6" for an "8" because those dots are so small. She asked me more questions, dilated my eyes, and checked the pressure inside of them. It was normal, as I could have told her. In fact, it was lower than it's been in the past few exams.

Then, and here's where I started to get irritated, she asked me why I was there. I told her it was because I was referred by a retinal specialist who said he couldn't help me because a glaucoma specialist said I didn't have glaucoma and that I should see said retinal specialist and that his office was to have emailed my files to this doctor who is part of the same practice and if they needed the files they could go down the hallway to get them. She nodded and wrote more information down on her paper and finally looked in the computer and found the notes from the retinal specialist. She asked me to go out into the smaller waiting room and wait for the doctor.

Celeste was with me (of course) and we made our way to a small seating area to wait. Upon arriving at the seating area, a large African-American woman began to jump up-and-down and grab everything she owned and kept repeating, "It's a dog! It's a dog!" Great....the last thing I needed....someone to cause a scene because my service dog is with me and they don't like them. I calmly replied to the lady that, yes, she is a dog but that she's a trained service dog and would not bother her. The woman continued to try to find a seat -- any seat -- near where her stuff was but not close to us. She nearly sat on two other ladies patiently waiting their turn or for someone who was being seen. She continued to protest loudly that she didn't like dogs and that there was a dog near her and she didn't like it. I had already scanned the room with what vision I had after my eyes were fully dilated and saw no other vacant seats except the one I chose which also gave Celeste a small area to lay down so that should would be out of the main flow of traffic. I sat down and said, in as polite of a voice as I could muster by this time, that Celeste would not come near her and would stay under my seat by my feet. This did nothing to appease the woman who began to tell me that I couldn't sit with the dog and continued to make a scene. Finally, and I know I shouldn't have, I replied, "Look! If you'd sit down and shut up, she wouldn't pay any attention to you because she is trained to keep her focus on me! Your tantrum is actually putting me in danger because she thinks you could be a threat and is now not paying attention to me as she is supposed to. Be quiet and don't look at her!" The other ladies in the seating area giggled under their breath but I know it wasn't the most polite thing to do. The woman sat down and tried to become one with the arm of the chair farthest from us and Celeste quickly crossed her front paws and put her head down to rest.

The doctor soon called me to come back and be seen and Celeste and I left the seating area, still hearing slight giggles from the other ladies and hearing more protests from the woman who believes dogs shouldn't be allowed wherever she is. He was a nice gentleman and asked a lot of questions about my past visual history (which isn't good) and he performed some basic visual field tests. I'm so tired of having to look at someone's nose and tell them when I can see their fingers and how many they're holding up. I could almost give lessons on how to fake it because they all use the same pattern and the same number of fingers on each test. But, I'm desperate for answers and I tried really hard to stare at his nose and not look around for his fingers and made myself wait until I could actually see them before answering. I didn't get some of them right. Sometimes I thought there was only one but he was actually holding two. That was depressing.

He said he wanted to do a specialized visual field test that would better determine my peripheral vision. I asked if it meant sticking my head into the large, white, fish-bowl like structure and clicking when I saw dots of light appear on it and he said it was. I sighed because I knew it was going to be another one of the same tests I'd just done back in January and in February. I told him I'd had those tests before and even referred him to the large stack of papers I was given that had their results. He said he wanted to do this "different" version because it worked more on my peripheral vision instead of my entire field of vision. I walked back to the waiting area and blindly tried to find an empty seat FAR away from the woman who was still upset from our previous encounter.

The doctor's technician came and got me and we went to do the test. The difference between this test and the others I'd taken was that she manually controlled the dot of light and I had a washer in my hand and was supposed to tap it on the table when I could see the light. She kept reminding me to tap the washer and I said that when she turned the light on I would. We both realized that she was using a light too small and faint for me to see. So, she changed the size and intensity of the light often and I clicked the washer on the table whenever I could see the dot. It's very hard to keep yourself from looking around in the dome because you want to see the light or verify that you saw what you thought you saw. When the test is done by the computer, it registers if you look away from the target area. This one didn't and I hope I did it correctly. One bad thing about it was that my eyes were dilated and the bright lights kept creating shadows that made it harder to see each new light. Like when you stare at the sun or have a flashlight shown in your eyes and then you can't get that annoying spot out of your vision? Yup, it's like that but with dozens of those spots and new ones being created every second.

I finished the test and was led back to the seating area. This time I wasn't seated near the lady who hated dogs but ended up next to a family that thought Celeste was for show-and-tell. They wanted to pet her but weren't sure if I would let them (I could overhear this conversation as they thought they were whispering but also believed she was a guide dog which would automatically make me blind and deaf) and were quite shocked when I looked at them and told them they couldn't. Then they wanted to ask me why I had her if I could see and what my medical condition was. No questions about her and what she does -- just very personal questions about me and my history. I was very pleased that the doctor called me back to his exam room so I could get away from them.

I put Celeste back into the corner of the room and sat down to await the result and find out what is causing all of my problems. He said that I did well on the test and actually did better than he thought I would and that it all must be in my head. My jaw dropped when I heard this. I explained calmly (because by this point I was so stunned at what I'd just heard repeated for the umpteenth time that I wanted to scream) that ever since I was 19 and started having to wear bifocals and was first diagnosed with lattice degeneration that I've been hearing that "it's all in my head." I asked him why I can't see at night unless something is brightly illuminated. He said he didn't know but that if I was worried about it and was afraid to drive at night to not do it. I asked him why I'm having problems seeing items in my visual periphery and why my vision can't be corrected to better than 20/50. He said he didn't know but that his specialized test (done by a human, not a computer, remember) said I should be fine. I then asked again why even during the daytime when I'm driving I can't read the road signs and have to guess at what they're saying and that I use my GPS everywhere I go because it sits closer to me and I can read the street names on it because I can't read the road signs. Again, he said he didn't know but that if I was concerned about driving I shouldn't do it. I asked him if there were any answers he could give me and he said that when I went back to my glaucoma specialist that I should tell him all of this.

What??? By now I was between numb and furious and those two feelings kept changing back-and-forth quickly within me. I told him that I wasn't going to be seeing the glaucoma specialist anymore because I don't have glaucoma and that's why I was referred to the retinal specialist who looked at my eyes and said he couldn't do anything for me either. The doctor said that the retinal specialist (who is a part of the same practice, remember) wasn't known for taking very good notes and didn't really send much info to go on regarding what he thought about my eyes.

I thought I was going to scream. Really scream. I could not believe that I was hearing the same old line -- "It's all in your head." I even told him that if it was "in my head" and I was making it up I could most certainly think of a lot of better things to dream-up than this.

He finally decided that I need to have an MRI and an ERG (electroretinogram -- basically a big word for a test to determine which parts of my retina actually work) because I could be one of the few with normal-looking eyes but who actually has a problem. Normal? When I was in my early-twenties I had a doctor looking at retinal photos who thought he'd entered the wrong room because I was sitting there and he said that the photos looked like the retinas of an 80-year-old. But, at least now he'd decided that the big tests (which is the whole reason I was referred there) needed to be done. But he couldn't do them. Not that day, anyway. The person who ran the ERG machine was out and I'd have to come back.

After three hours in the doctor's office, I went home with nothing. I was told that the purpose of that visit was for me to have the MRI and ERG and figure out what was wrong and to expect to be there at a minimum of three hours for all of it. Husband took the whole day off work so that he could drive me there and back and hopefully get some answers. Nope. Nothing. The doctor's office is supposed to call me back today (maybe) to schedule another appointment for the tests I was expecting to have done yesterday.

When we were in the elevator of the parking garage and finally had some privacy I told Husband what the doctor had said, followed by a sharp expletive that I won't reprint here. I'd stamped my foot and said it loud enough without realizing that we were arriving at the level where we'd parked that I startled someone waiting to use the elevator. I apologized and we mad our way to the car. I cried on the way home. Husband is very understanding and has been constantly reminding me that whatever is wrong we'll deal with and that he'll always be there to help take care of me. I thanked him again and again but couldn't stop crying because I was so frustrated. I'd just been told the exact same thing by a doctor -- supposedly one of the best in the field nationwide (and will probably cost me a fortune) -- that I'd been told over and over again.

Today both Celeste and Harley can tell I'm upset. I'm sitting and waiting for a phone call that may or may not come to schedule an appointment for me to go all the way back and maybe, just maybe, finally get some concrete information. Something....anything.....information so I don't have to keep my life on pause while I'm worried just what I'll do as this continues to worsen and worry about what my last vision could be.

So, there you have it. Either I'm going blind from a mysterious cause that no one can diagnose or I'm bat-crap crazy and my brain is telling me I can't see things that I really can, which is an incredibly stupid thing for it to do since I need my vision to continue designing for the theatre (which I enjoy) and, more importantly, so I can work to pay-off all the bills I'm racking-up (which isn't as enjoyable but needs to be done). Oh well....I guess the standard "SSDD" (I'll let you look up what that usually stands for) idiom is certainly alive and well in my world.

Same info, different day

Hello dear readers! Have been out-of-town all day at a doctor's appointment. Not very happy about it. And can't really see well enough at the moment to type much. So, I'll be ranting about it tomorrow. Sorry for the delay, but it might be best if I don't type what I'm thinking right now 'cause I've always rated this blog at least PG-13.

My kingdom's fence is falling down, part 2....

Well, the contractor didn't come today to fix the fence but no other panels fell off today. Fortunately, it also wasn't a very windy day and the sun was nice and shining.

Which just figures because he and his crew are supposed to be here tomorrow to fix it. A day when the weather is supposed to change and the winds will be fierce. The weatherpeople are already saying that there's going to be a Red Flag Warning plus other watches and advisories for the day. If you don't know what a Red Flag Warning is -- that's when burning things is not advised because the wind will be very forceful and can spread embers quickly and over long distances. It's also used in nautical terms to let you know that the water will be too rough because of the waves created by the wind.

In our area, we have a local weatherman who issues a Small Dog Warning on days like that. You can guess what that means. Actually, from what I've been reading on the forecast changes this evening, it might become a Medium Dog Warning. I want to see these guys trying to muscle around large 6-foot-by-8-foot panels of wood in the wind. Had they just done the job correctly the first time they wouldn't have to worry about it.

I'm headed back to the television. Had a long rehearsal tonight for our community theatre production; will have another long rehearsal tomorrow night; and there's an episode of Top Gear (the BBC version, not that crap on History Channel) with Eddie Izzard as the Star in the Reasonably Priced Car. Top Gear and my favorite comedian -- I should sleep well tonight.

My kingdom's fence is falling down....

Gaah!!! It's been less than a month since I finally got the privacy fence I've been waiting and waiting for and the stupid thing has started falling down.

Yes, I know there's been some bad weather and it's been windy but (1) the tornado didn't touch down here, (2) high winds were reported but they were blowing towards the fence which would push it into the posts and not outward towards our neighbor's yard, and (3) it's only been a freakin' month and the stupid thing has started falling down! I've contacted the contractor and he says it will be fixed immediately but not Monday.

We'll see about that. If the panels keep falling off, someone will be fixing it and it's not going to be me. And, if for some forsaken reason it is me, there will be a lot of money returned since he's already admitted that the panels should have been screwed and not nailed onto the posts.

I'm going to go stomp into the other room and severely watch TV while waiting for tomorrow to come. I'll update as needed.