I don't wanna post today!

With everything that's been going on recently, the last thing I want to do right now is sit in front of the computer and try to be witty. I went to my therapy session today and feel like nothing much came out of that. My therapist is stunned that I wasn't reappointed for my job and has the same outlook I have on me finding another job anywhere around here -- grim.

It's easy to look at the job services online listings and other search engines for positions and find things I'm qualified for or would be willing to learn. It's harder to go into the job location to fill-out an application, drop off a resumé or complete an interview with an 85-pound service dog with you that they weren't expecting. You can see it in their eyes. They're trying to figure out why you're there with your "pet" or how you could possibly be able to do any work if you're "that" disabled that you need a service animal, especially when you're not in a wheelchair or showing any visible signs of a disability. And the usual answers of "You're qualified, but not qualified enough," or "You're overqualified for this position" roll off their lips as if they've had their mind made-up all along (which, they probably have).

Today has just been a sucky day and I'm not in the mood to deal with much else. I had an idea for a business I could open that would help me as well as many others in our community, and then found that someone else is already starting one. And even though I know mine would be WAY better and most likely more successful, without the money to start it up, it's just not going to happen.

And now the "voices" are even arguing over which is more negative or depressive because that's what they do when I'm in a funk. It's gonna be a long night.

One test result finished....

Got a call from my neuro-opthalmologist today. He received the results of my MRI from Friday and wanted to let me know that everything on it was fine. I was quite relieved 'cause usually any time a doctor calls you so soon after a test it's not always good news. He was happy to report that there are no tumors or lesions or signs of any strokes. The bad news is that it still leaves us with no answer as to what's causing my vision to decrease so rapidly.

I still have the results from the ERG to receive. Maybe they'll give us some answers. I asked him what would happen if that test came back that everything was fine, too? He said he wasn't sure and maybe it would be something that would fix itself in time.

Fix itself? In time? When you have to work for a living and you're already limited in some ways by another disability, you don't really have time to wait to see if things get better. I've tried applying for a new job closer to home but, even though they're not legally supposed to discriminate, I can tell that finding a new job while having a service dog with me isn't most employers' idea of an "ideal employee." Regardless of the fact that she wouldn't impede my or anyone else's work and the company/organization wouldn't have to do anything other than provide a reasonable accommodation for the two of us, I can see by the look in their eyes that their minds are already made up but they can always cover it by saying the usual ol' standby excuse I get, "You're overqualified for this position."

Guess I'll go back to the waiting game until I hear about the other test. This week is Spring Break for Youngest Son. Would like to take him somewhere fun but (1) Husband can't get off work, (2) can't really afford it with the medical bills, and (3) it's forecast to rain like the dickens here every day this week. Maybe we'll take a day and have a "Harry Potter" or "Star Wars" marathon and eat nothing but junk food. He may not like the idea as much but I think it's pretty darned awesome.