Just tired of it all....

No, I haven't been posting the past few days. Even my therapist got upset at me because I've not been writing.

When you're in a funk, you can't write. You can't do anything but sit and spin your wheels which just causes more frustration over how you're not going anywhere in your life.

I can end up waiting up to six months for someone to do something about my ERO/EEOC claim because that's the law. Even though I now can't work doing the job I had because some idiot decided he wanted to make the rules instead of following the law, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course.

I've applied for so many jobs in the local area I've completely lost count. And have I heard anything back? Nope. Or when I go somewhere thinking I might like to apply and I can already see in their faces the fact that they're not thrilled over my 86-pound constant companion, I don't bother. Besides, I'd rather have her with me everyday than the crap that can happen at most places.

Got news about a family member who's going through some tough times. I want to be able to help and give support but I also don't want to be intrusive. I remember when I was in a somewhat similar situation and the last thing I wanted was pity from anyone and I usually got a lot of unsolicited advice that didn't do me much good. I don't want to be one of those kinds of people.

One of my friends was to get married tomorrow and her fiancé left her today. She and her young daughter who had opened their home and lives to him and his excuse is because his biological son is afraid of having to make new friends when he moves. What a jerk.

I'm trying to help celebrate Youngest Son's upcoming birthday. I went to the movies with Husband, Youngest Son, and four of his friends. They had a great time and I was really glad they could go. I just feel like I wish we could have done more.

Husband and Youngest Son are currently in the basement doing laundry and playing a computer game. I sincerely appreciate that they're doing the laundry because that means I don't have to do it and I don't have to go outside to get to the basement. It's not a "finished" basement like many people have. It has a floor and walls, but there's no way to access it from inside the house. And with the heat the way it is, I'm not in the mood to go outside much.

And, yes, Depressive is trying to get me to post but I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired that it's just been easier to do nothing and sleep instead of trying to come up with something to write and crying while I feel awful.

Maybe I'll get back on a schedule. Maybe I'll stop writing completely. I've already told my therapist that I'm not writing anymore at the moment about my past because I'm getting to big areas that I don't really remember. There are a lot of blank spaces in my memory -- some last days, some last years -- and whatever is hidden inside them I do not want to bring back to the surface. It wouldn't be healing; it would be reopening the wounds that my brain has found a way to deal with that doesn't cause me any additional damage. I remember trying to deal with them and it didn't work then. Time does not heal all wounds.

No, I didn't post yesterday. What's it to ya'?

This is driving me crazy!! Here it is summertime and I don't have squat to post because my life seems to be in a perpetual holding pattern because of my ERO/EEOC case and the fact that nothing interesting has happened recently. I'm also not in the mood to continue my biography at the moment because we're getting to the parts that were really difficult to live through back then. I'm not sure I want to bring them up to the surface again now.

I am finding it very interesting looking at the map that shows from where people who read my blog are. The other day Australia took the lead. So far today the Irish have a substantial lead over the Americans. And what people are reading is even funnier. My reviews of Combat Cash and Mythbusters seem to be the favorites. Someone clicks on them almost every day.

So, yeah, I'm behind in my posting. But when it's hot and sticky outside and it makes the house all hot and sticky, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer in the hottest room of my house and type some drivel that people may or may not read. I've also got an appointment with my therapist today, so who knows what goofy crap will come up that will make for decent topics?

Boycotted yesterday and might not post today

Oh....well....yeah.... That is a sort of stupid title since I do have to post something so people can see it.

Doesn't matter. I spent yesterday which, which was Fathers' Day here in America, with Husband and Youngest Son and didn't feel the need to post. Plus, my biological father is a complete and total waste of air that could be used for something productive. Like horrible balloon-animal thingys that clowns make. He's refused to acknowledge that I exist in over 20 years so *pppbbhhhtt* on him!

And today is a slow day at best. I'm not complaining. I could use a nice slow day to be able to relax and think about things that have been and will be happening. Plus, I'm making sure that Youngest Son is completing his chores and assignments as expected. In the past I was always deployed away from home in the summer and he could get away with not doing things because by the time Husband got home from work he'd be too tired to notice something skipped. Youngest Son and I have had a little talk about needing to mature and learning to do things around the house that will help him when he's out on his own in the future.

I might post again tonight and I might not. The voices are arguing over who should write, about what should be written, and whether it's worth writing anything at all now. I have to remind them that this whole thing was their idea so they can't jump-ship on me now. Only six months to go with this project and now they realize it's not as easy as I told them it would be.

And now if you'll excuse me.... I have to dislodge the family cat from the only air duct in the room and she's hogging all of the cool air conditioning. It's hard to write when you're wiping sweat (and cat fur) out of your eyes.

This is a post

See it? Okay. I'm done. Daily post completed.

No....you're not getting more. Well, not any more today, that is. Had a fairly good to fairly crappy day and just don't want to fiddle with this right now.

Go on. Clear off! Go do something constructive for a change....

Watching and waiting

I've been cruising the Facebook pages of some of my friends from where I used to work and it seems like the majority of them have been complaining about the new process to reapply for their jobs. Supposedly it's taking them a long, long time to get through all of the screens of questions they have to answer. Some are also complaining about the difficulty in uploading documents that are required for reapplication. Many are complaining about how the salaries for what they've been doing for so many years is much, much less than they would consider working for today but they're glad their salaries will be grandfathered in when the transition is over.

Me? I'm still waiting to hear about my formal ERO complaint. Still very upset over what happened and that the person who violated my right to work and discriminated against me had the gall to admit it to an ERO counselor. And I've filed complaints with the Department of Justice and the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Just trying to cover all of my bases.

But, time will tell. Sooner or later they have to acknowledge the filing of the complaint and they have to do something about it. The ball is in their court now. I'm just going to wait and see if they're going to do the right thing.

Bloaty ate too much pizza....

I know. It's my own fault. Was planning to cook dinner for the family tonight. But, a tempting email came through the inbox and I just couldn't help myself.

Domino's Pizza offering 50% off any pizza if you order online now through Sunday night.

I remember when Domino's Pizza was called the "Disk of Death" and other not-too-polite names. Domino's was awful. Didn't matter which one you ordered from -- you were guaranteed a round thing resembling a crust with something on the top that you hoped was what you actually ordered, covered in a slime of cheese and floating on what grease hadn't already soaked through the bottom of the box.

Now, however, they've gotten a lot better. And healthier, if you can consider pizza healthy.

So, each of us decided to order a pizza since they were so cheap. Youngest Son got a pepperoni abomination of some sort that could clog your arteries just by looking at the amount of meat and grease on it. Husband made up a pizza he would like to have because nothing on the menu ever totally agrees with his middle-age tummy anymore. And I ordered a Hawaiian pizza because I love ham and pineapple together. We each made sure to get the super-thin crust pizzas so we wouldn't feel nauseated for the next few days. And by each ordering to our own tastes, we could ensure that we got what we wanted. We each got enough of what we wanted and if there was any leftover it could be stored in the refrigerator for lunch tomorrow.

Yeah....right....

Only Youngest Son, who normally scarfs down anything not nailed to the table, didn't finish his. Husband and I both ate ourselves silly and soon realized we had none left for tomorrow. It was good, though. We both were very pleased with our selections and they were well-made and tasted excellent.

It's just now, about five hours after eating it that the bloaty-ness sinks in....or out....or whatever it does. It's hot and humid outside and having not listened to my brain when it was trying to tell me that my stomach might actually have a message for me other than "Aren't you going to eat the rest of that?" is the result I'm suffering now. I don't want to see another pizza for a while. I don't even want to look at the boxes ours came in tonight. They're like little talismans of shame to remind us of our sins.

I think I'll have some milk and go to bed. Maybe I'll wake up and it's all a bad dream. Or, more likely, I'll have pizza-dreams all night (the really weird ones about which every therapist hopes to sell a best-selling book) and wake up even hungrier than usual in the morning.

"Dallas" is still dull as dishwater....

Oh, the 1980s. When not everyone could have cable television and even if you did, you didn't have 800+ channels of crap from which to choose your evening's entertainment. Back then, people actually made plans around their favorite television shows. Well, unless they were wealthy enough to own a VHS or BETA video recording machine to record a show for them, commercials and all. No DVRs. No commercial skips. Watch it when it airs or wait until rerun season and hope the episode you missed is there.

I had to explain all of that to Youngest Son tonight as Husband sat on the couch (and for over an hour did NOT fall asleep!) and watched the new series of Dallas on TNT. He was a big fan of the show back in the 1980s and wanted to see how stupid....I mean....good the modernized show would be. Of course, when you get the old actors on there playing their old roles, you can't help but remember what the show used to be and wonder if they can actually get it to be that good (or bad) again.

Now, I didn't watch Dallas when it was on in the 1980s. The only episodes I ever watched were when J.R. was shot (because, who didn't watch that one?) and the one when Southfork burned. That episode I was somewhat sort-of forced to watch because I was at a sleepover at a friend's house and all of the other girls loved Dallas but I had no idea who anyone was other than J.R. and Bobby. Oh, and I did see the episode when Bobby comes back in the shower -- but that was a rerun many, many years after it originally aired.

So, I'm watching the show with Husband and it's as goofy as ever. Youngest Son asked, "Is this a male soap opera?"

Yes, Son. Yes it is.

Nighttime soap operas like Dallas, Dynasty, and Falcon Crest were heavily watched by women but they were designed to get the men-folk into the sittin' room to watch as well. They weren't as silly as the daytime soaps, but you still knew that every scene had to have someone looking off into the distance as if they're thinking, "Did that cat pee in the litterbox?" (it's an acting trick) while the camera either gets closer or pulls back before the scene changes. Or before a commercial came on. Or before another ad for the same show you were watching came on to preview the next week's episode. As if you'd miss it....

So, yeah, I'm not particularly thrilled with the new version of the old show. I liked how they tried to keep the intro credits the same with the music and scenes of Dallas (Texas). But, a neat intro does not a great show make. I might give it a few more episodes before I totally write it off as a bad job. Seeing Larry Hagman and Patrick Duffy talking about what Miss Ellie did or didn't want with her will is still interesting. Goofy, but interesting.

Stupid flippin' migraines in my stupid flippin' head again

Gah!!! This is driving me crazy!!! But, I'm still posting tonight!!!

I know there's nothing wrong 'cause I just had an MRI a little over a month ago and just the brain is up there like it's supposed to be. But all weekend I've been having migraines & thought I'd finally kicked it.

Nope. Tonight just after I watched a show I wanted to see on television the stupid headache came right back.

Another night with ice on my head. And a washcloth on my eyes 'cause they're hurting too. Maybe I should just ask the rest of the body to start adding their aches and pains to the pile tonight. Get it all over with in one shot.

Missed yesterday

Yes, the streak has been broken. I did not post anything yesterday. My head decided that a migraine would be much more fun than being able to spend time with my family and kept me in bed all day. Since I don't type well (or coherently) when my head is screaming at me, I took the day to rest.

I'm not proud or anything like that. Actually, it's been driving me crazy that I didn't post. But, I decided to do something for myself and try to get better.

Would have worked, too, if a large weather front hadn't moved into our area and dumped a big storm on us. My poor American flag that hangs on the front of the house was targeted by the wild winds and shoved to the ground before I could get to it. Fortunately, Youngest Son went out during a lull in the wind and rain and retrieved it for me. Now I've gotta fix (or replace) the bracket on the front of the house. And my poor flowers that I planted earlier this spring but could never remember what they were until they bloomed and I sent pictures to friends have been beaten-down as well. No major storm damages here. Not even minor storm damages here. But we'll just say that flags, flowers, shovels, rakes, and other items left in the yard were fair game for the wind and bits of hail.

And my headache is back again. I saw a thing today that said the "migraine rating" was going to be low. Not sure how they figure that but it's obviously not getting feeds from my head. Time for more ice and a nice nap (as if I need another). *sigh*

Almost missed today

Got up at 5 a.m. to take my medication as usual. Felt really sleepy and did doze for a few moments on the loveseat. Made the decision to go back to bed after Husband and Youngest Son had gotten up and started preparing to go out to yard sales and a big storage unit auction.

Slept until noon. Not incredibly unusual when I'm not feeling well and didn't go to bed on time the night before. Stayed up late with Husband watching silly movies and talking. It was worth it.

Ate a little lunch and was convinced by Husband and Youngest Son to go back to bed because I was feeling tired. Did so and said I'd sleep for about an hour.

It's now 6:30 p.m. and I'm finally awake. What the hell happened to me? I don't feel outrageously ill. A little warm but that could just be my own personal global warming at work, too.

Glad I woke myself up 'cause the other two would have let me keep sleeping. I know they mean well but if I sleep too much in the daytime I can't sleep during the night and then I get my days and nights mixed up, just like a baby can. And it happens too easily because of my medication, too. I don't need that right now.

So, I hope nothing really earth-shattering happened today because I completely missed it. And my brain and eyes are already telling me I should be back in bed.

*Yawn* Maybe tomorrow's post will be worth reading....

Too frazzled to write

Been busy all day with working on my ERO case, taking Celeste to the vet, dealing with family things.... Just too tired to try to be witty or find a topic worth writing.

On the plus side, the Civic Center across from my house is showing Cars 2 on the outside of the building. Free movie for me!

The Woman in Black -- My Review

AWESOME!!!!

That's really all that needs to be said. I never finished the book. I did see the play when I was in London. A friend of mine sent me a copy of the radio show. Now I've finally gotten around to seeing the movie and I loved it.

Daniel Radcliffe was very good. He's always had that haunted look in his eyes, even in his first production. He played the lead as young David Copperfield in BBC One's television movie. I've seen him in that, My Boy Jack, The December Boys, and of course the Harry Potter series. He's also been on Broadway and in the West End. I was worried they'd try to take this ghost/horror story and try to "jazz" it up by getting the young Radcliffe so a younger audience would attend. And when I saw that it was rated PG-13, I really feared the producers would try to play to a much younger audience (okay, specifically, teenage girls with a crush on "The Chosen One").

They didn't. The movie does not disappoint. Even Husband jumped a few times during it.

If I have to rate the productions I've seen/experienced, I still have to give the play top honors. In the play, there are only two men onstage and in the program's notes. They never say that there's a female who also appears and you never know if/when she'll show up. The skin-crawling creepiness of the play was excellent. I would have to place the movie and the radio play as a tie because with the radio play you still use your imagination and can be genuinely scared. With the movie, you get the great visuals and an expanded cast that helps make it more dramatic.

So, there it is. Didn't see anything worth watching on television so I figured I'd see the movie on Blu-Ray. Now I'm watching Waiting for Guffman. Yeah....I have weird tastes.

I wanna hollar the loud, funny words!!!

Good grief. Another Wednesday evening spent watching American Diggers on Spike TV. Why do I torture myself so?

Tonight they went to St. Augustine, Florida and down in the bayou area of Louisiana. There were some neat relics found and I do have to give them kudos for finding a $20 double eagle, St. Gaudens' design gold coin. They're rare and worth a LOT of money these days.

I could probably enjoy the show if it weren't for one thing -- the owner/host/announcer/blowhard Ric Savage. He gives history and information about the places they go and the things they find as if he's rehearsed whatever the production team's researcher has pulled off the Internet. He yells at the camera during the entire show and heaven help you if your television is accidentally turned-up a bit loud and he finds something he thinks is wonderful 'cause you're going to hear him scream about it. And not just any scream -- the well-rehearsed scream that comes from professional wrestlers.

He fully admits that he used to be a professional wrestler (I still don't remember ever seeing him in a match). I once had some "professional" wrestlers (they got paid but weren't on any of the big circuits) come into our store years ago and they talked about how they had to practice their "speeches" that they'd give after every match and there were classes on how to yell at the camera. They also admitted that the hardest thing to do was to keep from laughing when their partner/friend/ally/opponent/enemy/whatever said something incredibly stupid. That's why when you watch professional wrestling, especially from the 1980s-1990s, you'll see people gritting their teeth or sucking in their cheeks. They're not trying to look mean and vicious. They're just trying to not blow their cover as an actor.

And Ric's got it down to a science. Every time he yells he throws his arms up in the air and sticks his gut out with a loud howl. And it's usually a "boo-yah" or "woo-hoo" followed by something either unintelligible or the name of the place where they're digging. You can predict where every scream is going to happen in a show and they conveniently edit it so that you have to hear it multiple times.

Sadly, every time I watch the show I'm reminded of another show. One that many people watched over the years and caused many parents to complain. There's an episode of the old Ren & Stimpy Show called "Mad Dog Höek" where the guys have just finished a wrestling match and both the winners and losers get a chance to make their cases. It's hysterical and I end up quoting it at one point during the show or another because it fits so perfectly.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, I give you the Ending Speech Scene from "Mad Dog Höek" -- try to watch American Diggers and not think of this. I dare you.

This post intentionally left blank

Well....not totally blank. Depressive here! Still writing; still in charge. More issues on the table today, so I'm not really ready for myself to feel any different. Not that I have a choice. But, I don't want to address things going on here right now, so I'm just going to "skip" today. Keeping my promise of posting but just nothing worth reading.

Greetings from Depressive

Hi. I've been around for quite a while but haven't had the opportunity to actually post anything here myself. I've been trying to keep me from being noticed but when things get really hectic or stressful or disappointing, then I just can't stop from showing up to practically ruin it all.

Oh dear. I see you looking at what I'm writing and you've got that weird look on your face. It's the same look that my family gives me when they can't figure out what's going on or when they think I'm just trying to hide something. Usually I am trying to hide something -- myself. I don't like me being here and I don't like it when I come around just out of the blue.
,br> I guess I should explain. If you're a long-time follower of this blog, you already know that I have bi-polar disorder (along with some other absolutely fascinating issues that can cause havoc at any moment). Now, for those who don't understand bi-polar disorder, it was originally called manic-depressive disorder. This is when your brain -- or, rather, my brain -- decides that it wants to do something different for a while without my consent. I can either become extraordinarily hyperactive, hyper-vigilant, hyper-emotional. Just pick a "hyper" and it's on the list. This is my manic phase. This is when Manic appears and keeps me from sleeping for long periods of time (days) or has me obsessing over certain things that need to be done and I can't stop doing them or I end up listening to the rest of the voices up in my head arguing because they've decided that since adrenaline, their favorite drink, is on-tap that they're going to join in the fun.

Manic and I get along well at times but we do have problems when Manic gets OCD a little over-excited instead of its usual state. Then I can be in big trouble.

But today, I'm here. Well, I am always here but the specific "I" that is writing here is Depressive. I am the one that can take any happy moment from extremely ecstatic to morbidly horrifying in seconds. I have the ability to just wander up while I'm hearing good news and start whispering all the things that are either untrue (whether they are or not) about it or about how everything from that moment on will go horribly wrong. And I don't shut-up easily, either. I've been around for ages and I've learned all of my defense mechanisms against me. Even the medications are having problems with me now.

My favorite one was when I was ordered to a psychology group for manic-depressive people and the class leaders said, "If you just think that you're happy, you'll be happy." They repeated that a lot. I raised my hand and asked them how that could be possible especially when I was incredibly suicidal? Was I supposed to be happy about being suicidal or was I supposed to picture rainbows and kittens and cotton candy and hope that the suicidal bit would pass?

They kicked me out of the class. Seriously.

For a while I've been puttering around here reading what's being written and critiquing things. It's one of the things I do. I also keep bad things at the forefront of my mind. The whole ERO issue, for example. Today I got my paperwork that the informal stage is over and I can now file for a formal hearing. However, I keep reminding myself that I (1) only have 14 more days left to do that, (2) that I have no idea how the whole process works, (3) that I could really use a good attorney to help me, (4) that I've been referred to a really good attorney who wants to help me, but (5) the attorney costs $300 per hour that I don't have and that leaves me sitting and staring at the paperwork and going back to #1. And then I start it all over again. See how much fun I am?

I've seen celebrities who have bi-polar talk about their different extremes with cute little names for them. I don't do that. I am a part of me that is the whole me and nothing but the me. Remember, even the voices are mine. There are just too many of them at times to not give them their own grouping.

Well, that's enough about me for now. I have a prior engagement (I think) with PTSD. We hang out together a lot. Of course, I'm glad that I have Celeste who helps me keep myself from overly freaking-out when I get this way. I'll probably be around for quite a while longer because there's so much going on that I have to get involved with and I've not seen my therapist for almost three weeks so the environment is just how I like it. Moody, sad, stressed, and down.

And thanks in advance to anyone who types anything positive about what I've written about myself. But I'm going to be completely honest with you -- it's not going to matter for a while. When I'm here and this far out in front of myself, it takes a lot longer to get me back with the rest of the crowd. And I don't mean to be snappy or make anyone think I'm ignoring them. I just enjoy screwing with my emotions enough so that I don't want to do anything. Well, sleep is always fun. But I only do that when I don't need to be doing it. Like when the medication makes me do it. Or if there's a ton of things I need to get done and I fall-over on the couch or the bed and doze for, oh, say, three or four hours. Tonight I'm going to try to make myself get some sleep because I'm really tired just from being me today. It won't work the way I want it to, but I'll still try.

And....*sigh*....Husband and Youngest Son keep coming in to check and see what I'm doing (occasionally led by Celeste who knows something's wrong). It irritates me because while I appreciate their worry about me very, very much I also don't like it because they have their own things to worry about and I don't need to be getting in the way. Plus I don't like people trying to read over my shoulder when I'm writing or reading something out-loud. And that's not "Depressive" saying that -- that's just me. So I'll go for now, but we'll meet again. Don't know where; don't know when.

7 Ps Rule needs to include "Patience"

You know the 7 Ps Rule, right? If you were in the military, I'm fairly certain that you've heard it multiple times. If you teach school, you most likely had to memorize it during your Master's degree classes (except they usually did the 6 Ps to omit the one "questionable" word). And if you ever need to remember how to prepare for something, it's one of the best rules to keep in mind.

Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss-Poor Performance.

Yes, I know there are many different variants on this mnemonic device. But, this is the one I learned first both from sitting through graduate-level courses when my parents were getting their Master's/Specialist's in Education degrees and by having military members in my family. Over the years, it's served me well.

However, today Youngest Son needs to add the word "Patience." More grammatically correct, it should be "Patient" as in "Patient Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance" (deleted the objectionable word since he's still not allowed to swear). In a few weeks he'll be celebrating his birthday and we've agreed to allow him to invite over his closest friends for a pizza party and then for them to go to the movies that evening. The female guests will have to be picked up by their parents after the movie while the male guests can come to our house for a sleepover. He's been texting all of his friends today and bugging me for specific details, such as start time, menu, etc.

He's forgotten that his father and I have not finalized any plans. He's also forgotten that he's still grounded at the moment and if he doesn't earn his privileges back in time there won't be a birthday party. His friends are all trying to arrange their schedules and make suggestions for things to do and ingredients for the pizzas but we don't have anything confirmed at the moment. Big shock for him and his buddies if it's all for nothing!

I admire his desire to be sure to plan early enough in advance so that all of his friends have the opportunity to check with their parents/families to ensure if they'd be able to attend. I'm just not happy that he's getting their expectations up for something that may or may not happen. Plus, the parents also won't be very happy if they change their schedules around to accommodate something that isn't happening.

Oh well. Not much I can do about it at the moment. I told him to be sure to let everyone know that nothing has been confirmed yet and that he's just checking to see if they would be able to attend. That way, we can also plan for how much food and how many tickets we'll need to buy.

We'll see what happens.

Last episodes of "American Stuffers"

Yes. It is with a heavy heart and a hanging head that I admit that today I actually watched the American Stuffers episodes on Animal Planet.

You have to understand, though. The satellite signals on the movie channels were spotty and there was nothing on network television worth watching. Plus -- and honestly, no disrespect to the Ross Family and their employees -- but the show is just like a really bad car wreck. You know you shouldn't look but once you do you just can't turn away from it.

I didn't watch all of the episodes today. I watched "The Dog Named Precious," "The Cat Without a Nose," "The Hairless Dog," and "A Tornado Hits Romance." I will say that I'm very glad Daniel was able to put the cat's nose back on before its owner came to pick it up (and no one noticed the problem). The skin coming off of the Chinese Crested (which the owner proudly stated she'd paid $250 as a puppy) though was a close one. And her having the dog's testicles removed to have sperm harvested by a company in Washington just had me rolling on the floor. Yeah, I'm not a biology major, but I can't imagine them living in there for very long, much less long enough to ship them to Washington from Texas (where they drove from to get the dog freeze-dried).

The pet chicken being freeze-dried, though, had me baffled. I know people keep chickens as pets. I have friends that have had good and bad things come from doing that. But if the chicken dies on its own, I'd be thinking about disposing of it correctly, not how it's going to look in the center of the dinner table as a centerpiece. Okay, the lady with the chicken actually said she was going to decorate her chicken coops with all of her pet chickens after they die and she has them freeze-dried. And she named all of them after characters from Jersey Shore. So, take from that what you want.

I can say that I was moved by the lady who had her Yorkie for 14 years and met the crew from Xtreme Taxidermy at the Big Buck Classic Hunters' Convention (where most of the other attendees were grossed-out by the pets on display). She'd had a lot of loss in her life and having her dog preserved as a way to help her cope may not be for me but I sure hope it helps her. Plus, she wants the dog buried with her when she passes away. Sadly, the dog will look better longer than she will, but at least they'll be together.

And I also have to admit that the story about the dog that had been skinned by another taxidermist and left the crew of the shop with a puzzle on how to make him look good again was interesting. Mostly because they were very careful to not tell the lady who brought in the dog how badly butchered the job the previous taxidermist did. I was glad to see that they were able to take that idiot's mistakes and fix it so the lady was happy. Now I just hope she doesn't watch the episode and see exactly what was done to her dog.

So, yeah, I let the redneck in me have a few laughs and sat agog at some of the things said/done on the show. There aren't any future episodes coming (it was cancelled), but Romance, Arkansas isn't too terribly far from my family's old stomping grounds. I'm pretty sure I could find it if I felt the need.

Feeling down and inadequate....

It's my pity-party and I'll whine if I want.

Youngest Son announced that he just heard one of his best friends is traveling to London (UK) for an international choir event. I'm proud of his friend and am happy for his family who will also be able to travel with him. I was in London in 1994 during college and loved it. I really, really want to go there again.

And every year when I've been working and paying-off bills, I've been trying to save the money so that I can take my family there. Or, if not able to take everyone, at least take Husband with me because it was while I was there when I realized how much in love with him I was (and still am) and I want to share with him the places I went and where I missed him so much. But usually I'd work myself silly and end up sick in the hospital or so sick I'd have to leave and then all the medical bills needed to be paid. Now that my former employer has taken my career away from me and people aren't very thrilled about hiring someone who has an 85-pound dog in constant tow, I don't know when I'll ever get to take them.

Youngest Son hasn't said that he's jealous of his friend, but I know that he's disappointed because I still can't take him there. I've been saying for years that I want him to experience another country and all of the history that can be found. And Eldest Son has wanted to go to London for a long time as well since his biological father and step-mother traveled there but didn't take him. I've felt like I should make that up to him. Maybe I'm irrational about it. But I'd still like to give my kids and husband an experience they will remember forever and am just feeling awful that I've worked over the past eight years to do that and still haven't been able.

Going to go watch a musical on television. Maybe I'll feel better. Maybe not. Just don't be surprised if I'm still pouting for a little while.