Feeling down and inadequate....

It's my pity-party and I'll whine if I want.

Youngest Son announced that he just heard one of his best friends is traveling to London (UK) for an international choir event. I'm proud of his friend and am happy for his family who will also be able to travel with him. I was in London in 1994 during college and loved it. I really, really want to go there again.

And every year when I've been working and paying-off bills, I've been trying to save the money so that I can take my family there. Or, if not able to take everyone, at least take Husband with me because it was while I was there when I realized how much in love with him I was (and still am) and I want to share with him the places I went and where I missed him so much. But usually I'd work myself silly and end up sick in the hospital or so sick I'd have to leave and then all the medical bills needed to be paid. Now that my former employer has taken my career away from me and people aren't very thrilled about hiring someone who has an 85-pound dog in constant tow, I don't know when I'll ever get to take them.

Youngest Son hasn't said that he's jealous of his friend, but I know that he's disappointed because I still can't take him there. I've been saying for years that I want him to experience another country and all of the history that can be found. And Eldest Son has wanted to go to London for a long time as well since his biological father and step-mother traveled there but didn't take him. I've felt like I should make that up to him. Maybe I'm irrational about it. But I'd still like to give my kids and husband an experience they will remember forever and am just feeling awful that I've worked over the past eight years to do that and still haven't been able.

Going to go watch a musical on television. Maybe I'll feel better. Maybe not. Just don't be surprised if I'm still pouting for a little while.

End of the Junior High Era

Today was Youngest Son's last day in junior high. Next year he'll be a freshman. Lord help us all.

I'm incredibly proud of him and am very, very happy that he's had some great experiences and made new friends since we moved to this town three years ago. He's been in three school theatre productions; he's participated in All-District Honors Band (was first-chair trumpet, too); attended the State Band Contest; has made the honor roll; and has a gang of friends that he really enjoys hanging-out with and who enjoy having him with them. As a kid who moved from school-to-school, I know it can be hard to fit-in when you're the new kid on the block. Youngest Son learned a lot more at a faster pace when he was homeschooled, but I agree with him that his past three years in public school have helped him grow in many different ways.

I'm especially proud of him as he has received the President's Education Awards Program Award for Outstanding Academic Excellence. To qualify for it, he had to have a cumulative grade point average of 3.5 or more over his junior high career and test above the average and rank in the top of the State's Assessment Program that's given every year. He received a very nice certificate and a lapel pin that he can put on his jacket when he goes to high school. He pointed out the "autograph" of President Obama on the certificate and I told him that an auto-pen did that. He said he was surprised they just didn't Xerox it and is not impressed by it. He was actually disappointed because he didn't receive a plaque for best brass student in band and was awarded for his academics. I reminded him that it will be his academics that helps him get into the college he wants and will follow him through life. A plaque won by your "nemesis" whose parents can afford for him to take private lessons in order to be better than Youngest Son will only someday be an unwieldy paperweight that your children won't even be able to get rid of in a yard sale.

I think he feels a lot better now. And he enjoyed his last day there. No, he didn't participate with one group that wore the colorful Morph Suits that everyone was buying around Halloween and at least he wasn't dared like one of his other friends to come dressed like a princess today. He made sure he had phone/text numbers for his friends so they can get together over the summer before high school band camp starts in July.

Eldest Son texted me today that he's learned how to weld in his sculpture class in college. I told him I was proud and that the welding experience can also be used in other jobs as well. He hopes to finish his classes soon so that he can graduate in the next semester or two.

One going into high school and one leaving college soon....where does the time go?

Day for Mothers brings voices back

I hate holidays. Scratch that. The only holiday I don't really despise is Halloween. All other holidays are over-commercialized. You know that you're going to spend money on costumes, candy, and makeup for Halloween but why does everyone try to guilt us into buying more crap that no one needs just because it's a holiday?

Today is Mothers' Day and it's allowed us (the voices) to move forward and take over the post 'cause even though I have kids, Mothers' Day has always been somewhat annoying. Eldest Son sent a brief text message (just "Happy Mothers' Day). No call or even an email after months of no contact. Youngest Son and Husband though did do a good job at making me feel better though. They allowed me to sleep-in and then made lunch and bought roses for me. Very, very appreciated it was and no overspending. If they're going to overspend I'd prefer that they overspend time with me during the day. It's better than anything they could drag home from a store.

Did call Biological Mother today. Wished her a happy Mothers' Day and received the same in return. Always thought it was strange when she'd wish me a happy Mothers' Day because I'm a mother but I'm not her mother. I think that's just a OCD thing. Husband called his mother to wish her the same today. I have no idea what she had to say because he's the only one who talked to her. She sent me a Mothers' Day card (again, seems silly but that's just me) and a note inside which thanked me for sending articles to her that I didn't send and asking me how I spell my name (by the way, Husband and I have been married almost 17 years now). And when I'm feeling the way I am today (and the voices are more likely to keep redirecting my concentration), it's best I don't talk to too many people.

Youngest Son in deep doo-doo tonight!

Teenagers. They think they know it all. They think that they're the first person to ever think of or do something in the history of everything. They believe they're invincible, physically and emotionally, and that they can do what they want, when they want, how they want, and that parents will never know the difference.

They're wrong, of course. Dead wrong. Really wrong. Absolutely wrong. Hysterically wrong, even.

And just as I was about to post on my blog that nothing of any interest happened today other than hours and hours of rain, thunder, and lightning, I saw it. I went to my Facebook account to see what my family/friends have been up to over the past few hours and enjoy some pleasant entertainment. Little did I know that I would be seeing things -- suggestive photos, offensive phrases, etc. -- in my news feed. Not from my adult friends, but from Youngest Son.

I loudly yelled for him to come into where the family computer is and asked him what in his little head thought that posting or liking these items was appropriate. He denied clicking on one but said that the second photo was funny. He'd only looked at the top of the photo and didn't see the graphic imagery in the bottom. He also had "liked" a page about a cartoon character that I reviewed and found every-other post had something offensive, or at least inappropriate for a teenager, in them. And this wasn't for a cartoon character designed for adults (i.e. Family Guy, The Simpsons, anything from "Adult Swim," etc.). This was for a kids' cartoon show -- so obviously this was not an authorized page.

He'd finally earned between 5 and 10 minutes of Internet time to check his emails and Facebook page without us having to stand directly over him. Guess what's happened to that?

I made sure to post on his page using his account (since I don't allow my children to have Internet accounts for which I don't have password access) so that all of his "friends" would see the new rules. Any future inappropriate posts by him will be deleted and any inappropriate posts to his page by his "friends" will be deleted and reported to Facebook. And the "friendship" just might be terminated as well.

I respect his privacy as a person by allowing him to do those things which need to be done in private behind closed doors (bathing, dressing, etc.). But, as his parent, I assert my ability to check on anything he has or brings into the house to ensure that it is deemed appropriate for a teenager and not something that we do not allow. That includes anything "brought into" the house via the Internet. My house; my rules. And his older brother can attest to the fact that those rules are absolute -- he got caught a few times with inappropriate items and faced consequences for it. As long as someone is residing in my house without paying rent, their share of the utilities, and insurance, I get to see everything. And with Husband having previously worked at one of our state's penitentiaries, he's very good at quickly turning-out a room to make sure nothing is hidden.

Eldest Son has tried many times to warn Youngest Son about how things are going to be as he grows up. With the 10-year difference in their ages, Eldest Son knows what Youngest Son will be facing in school with friends and enemies alike. He's tried and tried to warn Youngest Son that "Mom isn't stupid! She will find out! And your dad will too and if he finds out first he won't hide it from Mom!"

Poor, poor Youngest Son. He thinks he's so mature. He has no idea just how much more maturing he's still got to do. And he'll be doing it without the company of a lot of friends if he doesn't straighten his act up now.