Just tired of it all....

No, I haven't been posting the past few days. Even my therapist got upset at me because I've not been writing.

When you're in a funk, you can't write. You can't do anything but sit and spin your wheels which just causes more frustration over how you're not going anywhere in your life.

I can end up waiting up to six months for someone to do something about my ERO/EEOC claim because that's the law. Even though I now can't work doing the job I had because some idiot decided he wanted to make the rules instead of following the law, I have to wait for the legal process to take its course.

I've applied for so many jobs in the local area I've completely lost count. And have I heard anything back? Nope. Or when I go somewhere thinking I might like to apply and I can already see in their faces the fact that they're not thrilled over my 86-pound constant companion, I don't bother. Besides, I'd rather have her with me everyday than the crap that can happen at most places.

Got news about a family member who's going through some tough times. I want to be able to help and give support but I also don't want to be intrusive. I remember when I was in a somewhat similar situation and the last thing I wanted was pity from anyone and I usually got a lot of unsolicited advice that didn't do me much good. I don't want to be one of those kinds of people.

One of my friends was to get married tomorrow and her fiancé left her today. She and her young daughter who had opened their home and lives to him and his excuse is because his biological son is afraid of having to make new friends when he moves. What a jerk.

I'm trying to help celebrate Youngest Son's upcoming birthday. I went to the movies with Husband, Youngest Son, and four of his friends. They had a great time and I was really glad they could go. I just feel like I wish we could have done more.

Husband and Youngest Son are currently in the basement doing laundry and playing a computer game. I sincerely appreciate that they're doing the laundry because that means I don't have to do it and I don't have to go outside to get to the basement. It's not a "finished" basement like many people have. It has a floor and walls, but there's no way to access it from inside the house. And with the heat the way it is, I'm not in the mood to go outside much.

And, yes, Depressive is trying to get me to post but I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired that it's just been easier to do nothing and sleep instead of trying to come up with something to write and crying while I feel awful.

Maybe I'll get back on a schedule. Maybe I'll stop writing completely. I've already told my therapist that I'm not writing anymore at the moment about my past because I'm getting to big areas that I don't really remember. There are a lot of blank spaces in my memory -- some last days, some last years -- and whatever is hidden inside them I do not want to bring back to the surface. It wouldn't be healing; it would be reopening the wounds that my brain has found a way to deal with that doesn't cause me any additional damage. I remember trying to deal with them and it didn't work then. Time does not heal all wounds.

No, I didn't post yesterday. What's it to ya'?

This is driving me crazy!! Here it is summertime and I don't have squat to post because my life seems to be in a perpetual holding pattern because of my ERO/EEOC case and the fact that nothing interesting has happened recently. I'm also not in the mood to continue my biography at the moment because we're getting to the parts that were really difficult to live through back then. I'm not sure I want to bring them up to the surface again now.

I am finding it very interesting looking at the map that shows from where people who read my blog are. The other day Australia took the lead. So far today the Irish have a substantial lead over the Americans. And what people are reading is even funnier. My reviews of Combat Cash and Mythbusters seem to be the favorites. Someone clicks on them almost every day.

So, yeah, I'm behind in my posting. But when it's hot and sticky outside and it makes the house all hot and sticky, the last thing I want to do is sit in front of the computer in the hottest room of my house and type some drivel that people may or may not read. I've also got an appointment with my therapist today, so who knows what goofy crap will come up that will make for decent topics?

This is a post

See it? Okay. I'm done. Daily post completed.

No....you're not getting more. Well, not any more today, that is. Had a fairly good to fairly crappy day and just don't want to fiddle with this right now.

Go on. Clear off! Go do something constructive for a change....

Bloaty ate too much pizza....

I know. It's my own fault. Was planning to cook dinner for the family tonight. But, a tempting email came through the inbox and I just couldn't help myself.

Domino's Pizza offering 50% off any pizza if you order online now through Sunday night.

I remember when Domino's Pizza was called the "Disk of Death" and other not-too-polite names. Domino's was awful. Didn't matter which one you ordered from -- you were guaranteed a round thing resembling a crust with something on the top that you hoped was what you actually ordered, covered in a slime of cheese and floating on what grease hadn't already soaked through the bottom of the box.

Now, however, they've gotten a lot better. And healthier, if you can consider pizza healthy.

So, each of us decided to order a pizza since they were so cheap. Youngest Son got a pepperoni abomination of some sort that could clog your arteries just by looking at the amount of meat and grease on it. Husband made up a pizza he would like to have because nothing on the menu ever totally agrees with his middle-age tummy anymore. And I ordered a Hawaiian pizza because I love ham and pineapple together. We each made sure to get the super-thin crust pizzas so we wouldn't feel nauseated for the next few days. And by each ordering to our own tastes, we could ensure that we got what we wanted. We each got enough of what we wanted and if there was any leftover it could be stored in the refrigerator for lunch tomorrow.

Yeah....right....

Only Youngest Son, who normally scarfs down anything not nailed to the table, didn't finish his. Husband and I both ate ourselves silly and soon realized we had none left for tomorrow. It was good, though. We both were very pleased with our selections and they were well-made and tasted excellent.

It's just now, about five hours after eating it that the bloaty-ness sinks in....or out....or whatever it does. It's hot and humid outside and having not listened to my brain when it was trying to tell me that my stomach might actually have a message for me other than "Aren't you going to eat the rest of that?" is the result I'm suffering now. I don't want to see another pizza for a while. I don't even want to look at the boxes ours came in tonight. They're like little talismans of shame to remind us of our sins.

I think I'll have some milk and go to bed. Maybe I'll wake up and it's all a bad dream. Or, more likely, I'll have pizza-dreams all night (the really weird ones about which every therapist hopes to sell a best-selling book) and wake up even hungrier than usual in the morning.

Stupid flippin' migraines in my stupid flippin' head again

Gah!!! This is driving me crazy!!! But, I'm still posting tonight!!!

I know there's nothing wrong 'cause I just had an MRI a little over a month ago and just the brain is up there like it's supposed to be. But all weekend I've been having migraines & thought I'd finally kicked it.

Nope. Tonight just after I watched a show I wanted to see on television the stupid headache came right back.

Another night with ice on my head. And a washcloth on my eyes 'cause they're hurting too. Maybe I should just ask the rest of the body to start adding their aches and pains to the pile tonight. Get it all over with in one shot.

Missed yesterday

Yes, the streak has been broken. I did not post anything yesterday. My head decided that a migraine would be much more fun than being able to spend time with my family and kept me in bed all day. Since I don't type well (or coherently) when my head is screaming at me, I took the day to rest.

I'm not proud or anything like that. Actually, it's been driving me crazy that I didn't post. But, I decided to do something for myself and try to get better.

Would have worked, too, if a large weather front hadn't moved into our area and dumped a big storm on us. My poor American flag that hangs on the front of the house was targeted by the wild winds and shoved to the ground before I could get to it. Fortunately, Youngest Son went out during a lull in the wind and rain and retrieved it for me. Now I've gotta fix (or replace) the bracket on the front of the house. And my poor flowers that I planted earlier this spring but could never remember what they were until they bloomed and I sent pictures to friends have been beaten-down as well. No major storm damages here. Not even minor storm damages here. But we'll just say that flags, flowers, shovels, rakes, and other items left in the yard were fair game for the wind and bits of hail.

And my headache is back again. I saw a thing today that said the "migraine rating" was going to be low. Not sure how they figure that but it's obviously not getting feeds from my head. Time for more ice and a nice nap (as if I need another). *sigh*

Almost missed today

Got up at 5 a.m. to take my medication as usual. Felt really sleepy and did doze for a few moments on the loveseat. Made the decision to go back to bed after Husband and Youngest Son had gotten up and started preparing to go out to yard sales and a big storage unit auction.

Slept until noon. Not incredibly unusual when I'm not feeling well and didn't go to bed on time the night before. Stayed up late with Husband watching silly movies and talking. It was worth it.

Ate a little lunch and was convinced by Husband and Youngest Son to go back to bed because I was feeling tired. Did so and said I'd sleep for about an hour.

It's now 6:30 p.m. and I'm finally awake. What the hell happened to me? I don't feel outrageously ill. A little warm but that could just be my own personal global warming at work, too.

Glad I woke myself up 'cause the other two would have let me keep sleeping. I know they mean well but if I sleep too much in the daytime I can't sleep during the night and then I get my days and nights mixed up, just like a baby can. And it happens too easily because of my medication, too. I don't need that right now.

So, I hope nothing really earth-shattering happened today because I completely missed it. And my brain and eyes are already telling me I should be back in bed.

*Yawn* Maybe tomorrow's post will be worth reading....

Too frazzled to write

Been busy all day with working on my ERO case, taking Celeste to the vet, dealing with family things.... Just too tired to try to be witty or find a topic worth writing.

On the plus side, the Civic Center across from my house is showing Cars 2 on the outside of the building. Free movie for me!

This post intentionally left blank

Well....not totally blank. Depressive here! Still writing; still in charge. More issues on the table today, so I'm not really ready for myself to feel any different. Not that I have a choice. But, I don't want to address things going on here right now, so I'm just going to "skip" today. Keeping my promise of posting but just nothing worth reading.

Greetings from Depressive

Hi. I've been around for quite a while but haven't had the opportunity to actually post anything here myself. I've been trying to keep me from being noticed but when things get really hectic or stressful or disappointing, then I just can't stop from showing up to practically ruin it all.

Oh dear. I see you looking at what I'm writing and you've got that weird look on your face. It's the same look that my family gives me when they can't figure out what's going on or when they think I'm just trying to hide something. Usually I am trying to hide something -- myself. I don't like me being here and I don't like it when I come around just out of the blue.
,br> I guess I should explain. If you're a long-time follower of this blog, you already know that I have bi-polar disorder (along with some other absolutely fascinating issues that can cause havoc at any moment). Now, for those who don't understand bi-polar disorder, it was originally called manic-depressive disorder. This is when your brain -- or, rather, my brain -- decides that it wants to do something different for a while without my consent. I can either become extraordinarily hyperactive, hyper-vigilant, hyper-emotional. Just pick a "hyper" and it's on the list. This is my manic phase. This is when Manic appears and keeps me from sleeping for long periods of time (days) or has me obsessing over certain things that need to be done and I can't stop doing them or I end up listening to the rest of the voices up in my head arguing because they've decided that since adrenaline, their favorite drink, is on-tap that they're going to join in the fun.

Manic and I get along well at times but we do have problems when Manic gets OCD a little over-excited instead of its usual state. Then I can be in big trouble.

But today, I'm here. Well, I am always here but the specific "I" that is writing here is Depressive. I am the one that can take any happy moment from extremely ecstatic to morbidly horrifying in seconds. I have the ability to just wander up while I'm hearing good news and start whispering all the things that are either untrue (whether they are or not) about it or about how everything from that moment on will go horribly wrong. And I don't shut-up easily, either. I've been around for ages and I've learned all of my defense mechanisms against me. Even the medications are having problems with me now.

My favorite one was when I was ordered to a psychology group for manic-depressive people and the class leaders said, "If you just think that you're happy, you'll be happy." They repeated that a lot. I raised my hand and asked them how that could be possible especially when I was incredibly suicidal? Was I supposed to be happy about being suicidal or was I supposed to picture rainbows and kittens and cotton candy and hope that the suicidal bit would pass?

They kicked me out of the class. Seriously.

For a while I've been puttering around here reading what's being written and critiquing things. It's one of the things I do. I also keep bad things at the forefront of my mind. The whole ERO issue, for example. Today I got my paperwork that the informal stage is over and I can now file for a formal hearing. However, I keep reminding myself that I (1) only have 14 more days left to do that, (2) that I have no idea how the whole process works, (3) that I could really use a good attorney to help me, (4) that I've been referred to a really good attorney who wants to help me, but (5) the attorney costs $300 per hour that I don't have and that leaves me sitting and staring at the paperwork and going back to #1. And then I start it all over again. See how much fun I am?

I've seen celebrities who have bi-polar talk about their different extremes with cute little names for them. I don't do that. I am a part of me that is the whole me and nothing but the me. Remember, even the voices are mine. There are just too many of them at times to not give them their own grouping.

Well, that's enough about me for now. I have a prior engagement (I think) with PTSD. We hang out together a lot. Of course, I'm glad that I have Celeste who helps me keep myself from overly freaking-out when I get this way. I'll probably be around for quite a while longer because there's so much going on that I have to get involved with and I've not seen my therapist for almost three weeks so the environment is just how I like it. Moody, sad, stressed, and down.

And thanks in advance to anyone who types anything positive about what I've written about myself. But I'm going to be completely honest with you -- it's not going to matter for a while. When I'm here and this far out in front of myself, it takes a lot longer to get me back with the rest of the crowd. And I don't mean to be snappy or make anyone think I'm ignoring them. I just enjoy screwing with my emotions enough so that I don't want to do anything. Well, sleep is always fun. But I only do that when I don't need to be doing it. Like when the medication makes me do it. Or if there's a ton of things I need to get done and I fall-over on the couch or the bed and doze for, oh, say, three or four hours. Tonight I'm going to try to make myself get some sleep because I'm really tired just from being me today. It won't work the way I want it to, but I'll still try.

And....*sigh*....Husband and Youngest Son keep coming in to check and see what I'm doing (occasionally led by Celeste who knows something's wrong). It irritates me because while I appreciate their worry about me very, very much I also don't like it because they have their own things to worry about and I don't need to be getting in the way. Plus I don't like people trying to read over my shoulder when I'm writing or reading something out-loud. And that's not "Depressive" saying that -- that's just me. So I'll go for now, but we'll meet again. Don't know where; don't know when.

Feeling down and inadequate....

It's my pity-party and I'll whine if I want.

Youngest Son announced that he just heard one of his best friends is traveling to London (UK) for an international choir event. I'm proud of his friend and am happy for his family who will also be able to travel with him. I was in London in 1994 during college and loved it. I really, really want to go there again.

And every year when I've been working and paying-off bills, I've been trying to save the money so that I can take my family there. Or, if not able to take everyone, at least take Husband with me because it was while I was there when I realized how much in love with him I was (and still am) and I want to share with him the places I went and where I missed him so much. But usually I'd work myself silly and end up sick in the hospital or so sick I'd have to leave and then all the medical bills needed to be paid. Now that my former employer has taken my career away from me and people aren't very thrilled about hiring someone who has an 85-pound dog in constant tow, I don't know when I'll ever get to take them.

Youngest Son hasn't said that he's jealous of his friend, but I know that he's disappointed because I still can't take him there. I've been saying for years that I want him to experience another country and all of the history that can be found. And Eldest Son has wanted to go to London for a long time as well since his biological father and step-mother traveled there but didn't take him. I've felt like I should make that up to him. Maybe I'm irrational about it. But I'd still like to give my kids and husband an experience they will remember forever and am just feeling awful that I've worked over the past eight years to do that and still haven't been able.

Going to go watch a musical on television. Maybe I'll feel better. Maybe not. Just don't be surprised if I'm still pouting for a little while.

Accepting suggestions on "training" a teenager!

Again! I can't believe I have to go through this crap again! The kid is 13 years freakin' old -- how much longer will it last???

I had to go to an appointment today. Usually I can trust Youngest Son to be on his best behavior (or something like it) while I'm out for a little while. I come back and what do I find? I find one of the premiere rules of the house broken and him lying to me about it.

We have a very strict rule about the computer. Because of the questionable content out there and the threat of viruses, worms, and Trojans, we do not allow our children to access the computer unless we're with them or we give them a five-minute window to check email or Facebook. We did it that way with Eldest Son and we're doing it that way with Youngest Son. Even though he has a computer in his room, there is no Internet access to it (not even Wi-Fi) and he's not allowed to turn it on without our permission. I have a special key that allows Internet to be connected if he needs to work on a homework assignment but either Husband or me is in the room with him while he's online. Usually, though, he wants to use our main household computer (from which I also run my online business) because it's newer, faster, and has more programs. Again, though, he must be supervised while using it.

I was gone for an hour and came back to find that not only had he been on the computer when I was gone and without permission, he'd also accessed the Internet and even looked into the history folder for our web browser. That threw up red flags all over the place because he could have been to a site we don't allow and deleted the information. So, I asked him what happened while I was gone.

Nothing. He gave me the standard teenager shrug of the shoulders and a monotone "I don't know" as an answer. I started listing the items he has privileges to use and/or owns and which ones he would be losing as he continued to feign an inability to recall anything he may or may not have done over the hour that I was away from home. Finally he said he looked at the history to see if we had bought him a birthday present online.

He must think I have "stupid" written on my face because I don't believe that for a moment. And I told him that as well. His birthday is over a month away and I certainly wouldn't purchase anything this far in advance, mostly because I never know when he's going to pull a stunt like this and end up grounded again.

A couple of years ago he took something of mine and lied about it. I could prove that he did it and even showed him the evidence. He continued to lie and for over half and hour he lied and lied until he realized that he was just digging himself a deeper hole of punishments. And every time he continued to lie or did something else against the rules, we just added the time for that infraction onto what he'd already earned. The kid was grounded for about six months! You'd think he'd have figured it out by now that we, his parents, are much smarter than he is and will find out when he does something wrong (especially since he's not good at covering his tracks) and that just admitting to what he did and apologizing would get him in far less trouble than lying about it.

I don't know what to do. Seriously. This keeps happening over and over and over and I'm sick to death of it. Right now his "privileges" are to eat, sleep, use the bathroom, do his household and yard chores, and practice his trumpet. He can read while he's in his room (he's got LOTS of books on many subjects). But there will be no television, video games, computer, MP3, cell phone, telephone, texting, or going out unless it's to walk the dog or we're all going somewhere together.

This is my first summer home in years. Usually I'm deployed away to work a disaster and I've missed being able to just spend free time with him. No schedules; no worries about work or him having to go to school. He's only been out of school three days and he can't keep it together! I really worry about him in the future.

Tired today....

LONG day.... Took Harley to have her yearly "shearing" at the groomer. She grows so much hair during the winter you could almost make enough wigs/toupees for those little hairless dogs. Then they wouldn't get so cold all the time. We also went to our favorite gaming store and sold them a few items for store credit. Just some old books that we didn't like but that their customers will love buying. And the credit can stay there until the next Warhammer 40K tournament or when we need to buy something for someone's birthday, etc.

Also started shopping for a new phone since mine is having battery issues. I first went to a store run by the company with whom I have my service. They said that they don't make stupidphones anymore. I said that I knew he was lying because (1) I'd seen an ad for one and (2) there were some hanging on the wall in the store. He, of course, wanted to show me every smartphone in the place but I told him I wasn't going to pay a bunch more per month for the privilege of having a phone that can do a lot of things I can't afford for it to do nor would I use it for them. I guess I should have also taken a photo (the one "fancy" thing my stupidphone can do) of all of the basic phones we saw at a large electronics retailer in town as well. And if I wanted a smartphone I could get it there for even less than the service company was advertising! But, no, I did not replace my beloved stupidphone.

When Harley's grooming appointment was over, we went to pick her up and I asked the groomer to grind Celeste's nails so that I won't have to clip them for a bit. Celeste was a show dog before she became a service dog but you would have thought that no one had ever touched her feet before when she started trying to escape from the groomer. Fortunately, the lady had a great attitude and just chased her around the grooming table, keeping one paw in her hand at all times, and got it done. Another of the ladies working there asked me if she could know why I have Celeste and when I told her she was thrilled to hear someone else has a service dog for psychiatric issues. I gave her my name and number and the name and number of Celeste's breeder/trainer because the lady and her husband are trying to get a service dog for him to use. I wish them the best of luck because I know that Celeste has helped me more than I could have imagined!

Hopefully tomorrow will be relaxing. I know Husband can use a nice relaxing day after working hard all week. And Youngest Son is now home from school so I'll find plenty of chores/activities for him to complete!

Could today get any worse?

Yes. Yes it could.

Thank you for reading.

Voices are quiet at the moment....

Shhh!!! We don't want to wake them!!!

I feel crappy today and even though a few are still rattling around in the back of my head trying to get me to continue my postings from the past two days, the rest of the brain is not taking well to the weird changes in the weather and I've been switching from feeling hot and sweaty (from my own personal global warming) to dizzy and sleepy (which could be any number of reasons). So, I'm quietly going to back away from the computer before the rest realize I'm here and try to relax today.

I'm sure those of you waiting for the rest of the story won't be disappointed in the future -- they're not about to let me leave a tale unfinished.

Daily post for 3/11/12

Okay. I'm upright. I can type. I feel like death warmed-over, but since I can post that's what I'm doing. I don't have a topic. I've spent the majority of the day feeling nauseous and my chest hurting. I'm pretty sure it's just stress over the play this week as well as my doctor appointment on Friday. Husband and Youngest Son are taking care of me and I appreciate it greatly. And now, I'm going to lay down again.

My brain hurts....

I've spent all day in front of the computer working on costume designs, prop lists, poster designs, and script reference "cheat sheets" for our local community theatre's upcoming production.

Anyone who thinks being onstage is the hardest part doesn't understand what we technical theatre people have to do to make them look good. And right now, my pillow is looking better so I'll write more tomorrow. It's going to be a fun production!

Political rant for the day (prospects for more are good).

I've been trying to stay out of the political fray in this blog because I know there are TONS of bloggers who are better at it (and many who are not), more popular, and people like a variety of subjects to read. But today, I've just had it. I've had it with the media and the taking heads of the national and local news stations yammering about certain topics while completely ignoring others and I'm tired of it. Not just tired; sick and tired. And everyone knows that's the worst tired to be. So, for today, I'm gonna rant 'cause it's my blog and I'll rant if I want.

First order of business in this rant -- there were two caucuses and a primary this week. Just two days ago on this past Tuesday for those who didn't know. They were held in the states of Colorado, Minnesota, and Missouri, respectively. Rick Santorum won the majority of votes in all three contests. However, Mitt Romney, days before the Missouri primary, said that Missourians were having a "beauty contest" instead of a primary because their votes "wouldn't count." Hmmm....clever way Mitt to get people to not turn-out to complete their civic duty and participate in a right given to them by the government in a state where you weren't very popular.

For those who kept saying the Republican Party was wasting millions of dollars in having a Primary that "wouldn't count" and that it was incredibly irresponsible on the part of Missouri to allow it -- let's look at the law. The State of Missouri has a law that sets the date of the primary and for 2012 it was set, by that law, for February 7th. The law was enacted when other states had moved their primary dates forward and Missouri wanted its primary to still be "relevant" in picking the candidates for president, regardless of political party. The Republican National Committee (RNC) set the rules that required all states with the exception of Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina to wait until March 6th to have their "contests" or risk losing having of the delegates for their state when it comes time for the RNC Convention later this year. That rule was enacted after Missouri and other states had changed their primary laws. Because the law is on the books in Missouri, the State legislature attempted to pass a resolution to move the date so that the primary would be in "compliance with the RNC" and that they wouldn't have to risk losing delegates. Whether you believe the statements that the Missouri Legislature just didn't act in time or that the Governor (a Democrat) helped to block the change of date in order to cause the problem, the fact remains that a change couldn't be passed and the State of Missouri was required by law to hold the primary last Tuesday.

So, of course all of the Republican candidates who weren't going to have a great showing in Missouri decided to make fun of the predicament the people of the Show-Me-State were in or, in the case of Newt Gingrich, didn't appear on the ballot at all. What people are conveniently forgetting is that the primary wasn't only for Republicans. Democratic candidates and even a Libertarian candidate appeared on their respective party's ballots in Missouri. Even Republican candidates who have long since cancelled their campaigns appeared and some even got votes! Everyone just assumes that President Obama will receive the nomination again for the Democratic Party, but technically the votes cast by any Democrats towards the choosing of a candidate would count since the Democratic National Committee (DNC) didn't make any changes to their rules/regulations regarding primary dates. So the delegates selected by the primary in Missouri for the Democrats will count. Only the Republicans have to assemble again on March 17th in a caucus to select the delegates for the RNC Convention. And, any registered voter in the state who declares themself to be a Republican can participate in the caucus -- so even though the popular vote was for Santorum, the caucus vote could change.

But to say that "Missourians' votes didn't count" is just wrong. The people of Missouri who went to vote weren't there just for a presidential nominating primary. Many cities, towns, counties, and municipalities had issues on the ballot that needed votes. Many, regardless of their political affiliation, went to vote on some controversial issues. Those votes most certainly counted. The decisions they made that day on those amendments and/or referendums impact the lives of Missourians very much and those who were dissuaded from voting by presidential candidates saying that their votes "wouldn't count" were completely misled. And they were misled by the people who want to be the next leader of the country! How despicable is that? It's like waving a flag that says, "Yes! You can trust me because I'm an honest leader but only when it suits me and I really don't feel the need to waste my time on you!" Any candidate who would directly or indirectly try to influence a registered voter to NOT vote should NOT be allowed to be a candidate for president (in my opinion, for whatever that's worth).

The second order of business in this rant is my complete frustration and disgust with the media, especially the national media, to continue their blackout of Dr. Ron Paul's candidacy. And don't act like you've not noticed it -- even major networks like CNN have admitted that they've been purposefully non-reporting anything about his campaign. Just watch the debates -- who gets pushed to the side of the group and not asked very many questions? And it's incredibly stupid for the media to do that (1) when there are questions for which Dr. Paul is more than competent to answer (medical issues come to mind) and (2) when the public is watching closely to see just how biased the network really is. And regardless if you're a Republican, Democrat, Libertarian, or any other party affiliation, you should be demanding that they treat Dr. Paul with the same courtesy they do the other candidates. Last night I was watching the NBC Nightly News and it was said, loud and clear, that there were three Republican candidates. Who dropped out?? Romney? Santorum? Gingrich? If they're saying that there are only three Republicans left in the fight, then it had to be one of them because Ron Paul has said he'll stay until it's "mathematically impossible" for him to win enough delegates and that time certainly hasn't come yet.

Is this a campaign speech in favor of Ron Paul? Not necessarily. I have the candidate in mind that I would like to win. I'm incredibly glad to see many of the candidates drop-out of the race and feel some of them took way too long to do so. However, I certainly know that if I were running for office that I would want to have the same coverage that the other candidates receive. I'm not saying that every single candidate should get 24/7 news feeds and you can usually tell who is and who isn't really in the race for the long-haul and committed to actually getting elected. If I didn't have enough money to put as many commercials on television as the other candidates, that would be my issue and I'd have to really work hard on fundraising. But to give a speech somewhere or participate in a televised debate and be basically ignored while the media fawns all over the "big name" (i.e. "big money") candidates is just not fair. And to be completely omitted by a national news program when you're (1) still on the ballot, (2) still campaigning, (3) haven't stopped your campaign, and (4) are the number-one recipient of campaign contributions from active duty service members and their families is offensive.

Children are taught in school that anyone (who is a native-born citizen of the United States over the age of 35 and has lived in the US for over 14 years) can grow up to become the president. The media is teaching them otherwise. And since the American people are becoming more and more "educated" by mass media and turning into sheep that follow only what the famous and wealthy have to say, I guess I shouldn't say I'm surprised at this turn of events. It still ticks me off royally, but I shouldn't be surprised. What I am doing, though, is educating my children in their political rights and making sure that both (only one is eligible to vote at the moment, though) understand that it is a civic duty; it is a right given as part of their citizenship in this nation; and that if they decide they don't want to or don't care about voting, then they really have no right to complain when things don't go their way.