Seeing crooked....

Hate it when it's incredibly hot outside. Hate it even more when I don't realize that it's going to be very hot outside and accidentally wear dark-colored clothes which just help absorb the heat that my black car doesn't take from the sun. Fortunately, with Husband driving, I can either crank-up the air conditioning or hang my head out of the window. Celeste doesn't hang her head out the window like other dogs and prefers the air conditioning (and not having to see her "mommy" looking like an idiot).

Today I had to travel across the state again for my eyes. This time I was there for low-vision occupational therapy.

Yeah, I was like you. "How do you do visual occupational therapy?" was the first thing through my head when I heard about it. Actually, they have you try to read a lot of different items in many different sizes, try-out different types of light sources, determine how much functional vision you have, and make more suggestions on how to improve or adapt your current vision to what you need.

Unfortunately, there's not much they can do for me regarding my night blindness and decreased vision when driving. That's just something that I'm going to have to learn to live without even though I prefer being an independent person. Relying on someone to take me places just drives me crazy and I hate having to bum a ride from friends. I'm very thankful that Husband understands what's going on and isn't bothered by taking me places at night (well, not yet at least).

Fortunately with my desktop computer I have a large monitor and it makes it easier to see. When I'm on my laptop, I can increase the print size and make things easier to read. They showed me a special flourescent lamp that has a nice blue-tinted light that is very even and doesn't have a "hot spot" like an old incandescent bulb has. When we tried a regular desk lamp and one of the flourescent lamps, I was able to read much more and even smaller print with the flourescent one. It's not up to 20/20, but it's better. Now I've got to find some to put in the house so that I can enjoy reading my books like I used to. I can still apply for audiobooks through the state's library for the blind, but I hate having to listen to them and not being able to start and stop when I want like I can in a printed book. Some have suggested an E-Reader, but I prefer the feel and smell of a good old-fashioned book.

What surprised me the most today though was how the therapist helped me find a "sweet spot" in my vision. She noticed when I was having difficulty viewing certain items that I would shift it until I could read it more clearly or I would shift my eyes rapidly as if searching for something. I've always had issues with that. I would use my right eye for reading and seeing up close and my left eye for distance viewing. Anything in the middle is a toss-up. The therapist had me look at her face (focusing on the center of her nose) and describe what I could see. I knew she had hair, eyes, a nose, cheekbones, and a mouth. She asked me to describe what I saw and it was all there but blurry. She then pointed at different places along the sides of her face and asked me to focus there and tell her what I saw. There was one place where her eyes disappeared; another where everything was so blurry if I hadn't already seen her I wouldn't be able to tell where some features were.

And then, it happened. She pointed at a spot to the left of her eyes, causing my eyes to shift to the right. Suddenly, not only could I see her face but I could also see the color of her eyes and the darker ring around the outside of her irises which I'd never noticed before. We couldn't pinpoint whether it was my right eye, my left eye, or both working together that made the difference, but just shifting my vision about four inches to the right made things so much better.

She gave me a bunch of worksheets with practice lessons to help train me to look at things "crooked" so that I'm using the "sweet spot" of my vision. She also showed me with a light meter how much I need to be able to see more clearly and we tried different light sources again. The blueish flourescent lamp was the brightest and now I've got to find somewhere that sells them. I want floor models in the living room & bedroom and a desk version I can move about the house and take with me if I'm gone with work or on a trip.

I'll be going back for another session sometime in the near future. I have to look at Youngest Son's schedule for the summer since he wants to get a class out-of-the-way this summer so he won't have to take the class during the school year and free-up a period for something else he wants. But I can tell already that learning to look to the right to see something is a trick that's going to be really hard to teach this old dog to do. Wish me luck!

Non-reappointment not making sense

So, some of you will remember the other day when I posted that my job had ended because I wasn't chosen to have my position reappointed for another two years. In the letter I received, this was the explanation given:

March 24th, 2012 marks the end of the current appointment period. Per the Stafford Act and the Conditions of Employment, you have not been reappointed. However, you are free to apply for an appointment within another Cadre.

I wrote to my (now former) supervisors to request an explanation on why I wouldn't be reappointed, especially since I have almost 8 years with the organization and have never received a negative mark on any performance evaluations. That was on Saturday (March 24th) and I didn't hear anything back until today. Here's what I got:

March 24^th 2012 marked the end of the current appointment period for all DAE’s. We were asked to evaluate our current work force needs based on (insert Governmental Agency Acronym here)'s mission. This required making some difficult decisions. Clearly we had people who had contributed to our mission for a long time and were good employees. However, our current and projected staffing needs meant we needed a more nimble organization, which required making some very hard choices. At this time, it was determined per the Stafford Act and your Conditions of Employment, to allow your appointment to expire. You are free to apply for an appointment within another Cadre.

I asked for the definition of a "more nimble organization" but only received the same paragraph in response.

"More nimble organization" -- what the heck does that mean? It's not like we're in the military having to carry packs of equipment on our backs. Heck, some co-workers I've seen have barely lifted a ream of paper to refill a copy machine. And if they're talking about age, I'm only 41 and most of my dearest friends who work with this organization (for now at least) are much older than I am.

I also asked if I'm qualified to apply for an appointment within another Cadre and received no answer. I then found the following information posted regarding the way all of the new changes are coming about:

Q: How will someone become part of the National Disaster Reservist Program? A: More information on opportunities and the process for obtaining appointments to the NDRP will be forthcoming in the next 60 days.

Q: I understand that there is a hiring freeze of DAEs now, is this true? A: Yes and no. Any person who is not currently employed by (insert Governmental Organization Acronym here), current local hires, and those who are seeking employment as a new DAE are being asked to wait until the NDRP is fully functional. Any Permanent Full-Time, Temporary Full-Time, or CORE employee who is transitioning to become a DAE will have their transition processed so that they do not have a break in service which would impact items such as their health care benefits.

As I read this -- and someone please correct me if I've got it all wrong -- there's a new program that will be called the NDRP. You can't apply for it right now but they might have information on how to obtain an appointment in it within approximately 60 days (this is the government, you know). And if you were a DAE but you're not one now because you weren't reappointed, you can't apply for a new position in a new Cadre because there's a hiring freeze.

This doesn't make sense! If you can't reapply for your job or for a new one in a new Cadre, then why tell us we can?

Now, there is a clause in our Conditions of Employment that says they can release us at any time for any reason because we're temporary intermittent workers. But I smell something fishy here. They talk about the type of "ideal" workforce they need, not simply that they have to reduce the number of employees. And for a number of people, myself included, who might have unavoidable "difficulties" in meeting the "ideal" (I'll let y'all work that definition out for yourselves), this doesn't sound right.

Well, that's all I'm going to say about it for now. I'm waiting on a call from the low-vision center so I can be evaluated for adaptive technologies to help me continue to be able to work, in this job or any other one I might be able to obtain. I've advised them that the rush to get me in isn't as much of a priority at the moment since I'm not in a position to be employed soon but they're still trying to help me speed-up the process. We'll see what happens.

Final test result received!

My neuro-opthalmalogist just called with the results of my ERG test I had last Friday. He apologized that he'd not contacted me earlier with the results. He thought that I still had the test to take and not that the results were waiting on his desk (since he runs the lab for the university).

The ERG (Electroretinography) came back normal. All of the little rods and cones in my retinas were firing signals to my brain during the test as they should, with the typical degeneration that would be seen in a 40-year-old patient. And he reviewed the MRI results again and said that there were no signs of strokes, tumors, MS (Multiple Sclerosis), or anything else that he could see that would be causing my optical problems.

I'm very relieved. At least we now know that there's not something incredibly serious and/or possibly life-threatening happening in my brain. The only down side (which he admitted as well) is that we still don't know why I can't see at night, why my vision cannot be corrected with glasses to better than 20/60 (bordering on not being legally able to drive at any time in our state), and why I have headaches so often every month. But the best thing I heard come out of his mouth was this -- that it's not just "all in my head." He believes there's something wrong and believes that I'm not making it up. Finally!!! Someone understands!!!

True, he did mention that all of this could just fix itself with time. That would be wonderful. How much time, though, isn't known. I can't put my life on hold waiting for something to magically happen. He also said that, technically, it could just get worse in time. That's not terribly reassuring either. But, he's got an idea to at least help me cope with it and make the best out of what vision I do have remaining.

He's going to refer me to the university's low-vision center/occupational therapy center. There, I can work with them using what I can do and find adaptive materials/equipment to help me be able to work and continue a "normal" life. Driving may still be an issue, but they can help me with that or at least help me get assistance with my employer for reasonable accommodation. And, with them being part of the same university, any marked changes -- better or worse -- can be noted and directed to my doctor quickly so that he can see me if needed and help us determine a more definite "diagnosis" of what's happening.

But, at least I know it's not something genetic that could pass-down to my sons and I know Husband is feeling much better knowing that there's not a ticking time bomb in my head. He said he always knew that I was crazy, so now knowing that there's nothing else wrong up there is fine with him.

I didn't get all of the answers I wanted, but I got what I needed. And, yes, I may be crazy -- but at least now the "it's-all-in-your-head diagnosis" can be laid to rest.